In a bizarre and idiotic turn of events, a student reporter for The State News recently spent several weeks undercover at the Union Dairy Store after seeing an ad claiming it had “a big scoop.”
“I couldn’t believe my luck,” said Shawn Ashley, the bumbling buffoon of a reporter, after ending his weeks-long operation. “I thought I’d found something huge, right under everyone’s noses. Figures it would turn out to be nothing.”
Sources at the Dairy Store confirmed that Mr. Ashley had been hired several weeks ago, and worked several shifts a week. He was never once spotted taking notes or otherwise recording things he saw.
“Wait, that guy was a reporter?” Shift manager Darlene Cream asked The Black Sheep, flabbergasted. “Why didn’t he ever have a notepad? Or ask any of us questions? A block of cheese would have done a better job.”
The State News did not respond to a request for comment.
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