When recalling the days of your childhood, it’s easy to remember Halloween as a candy holiday, where a king sized candy bar was the ultimate prize. Now, we can think of a lot of things Spartans would rather trick-or-treat for than a lousy Ring Pop.
10.) Combo X-Change:
Candy is good, but it won’t keep you alive. Now that you’re an adult, you have to come up with your own meals. Combos will stave off starvation long enough for you to barely pass that next midterm.
9.) Fake IDs:
All the under 21s are really hurting for one of these. It’s hard to enjoy the Halloween bar scene if you can’t buy your own booze. Plus, with you dressed in your corpse bride costume, anyone buying you a drink is probably out of the question.
Advil is far too expensive for students to purchase themselves, but really a necessity for the average human. Student’s lives would be a lot easier if they could go door-to-door for this anti-inflammatory.
7.) Black Coffee:
Sadly, the arrival of Halloween means that we are far enough into the semester to start cramming for various midterms, and two coffees an hour at upwards of $2 a coffee is a steep price to pay for success. It would be really great if trick-or-treat could help us out here.
6.) Better Roommates:
All that you wanted was someone to do a matching costume with. Bonnie and Clyde, Harbaugh and khakis, Salt and Pepper, Trump and Hilary— you wouldn’t have been picky. You have no idea where your roommate will be this Halloween, but you’d bet it’s not doing dishes.
5.) A Blow-off Class:
It would be great if one, just one, of your classes guaranteed an easy 4.0. A GPA boost is needed far more than a bag of Reese’s or Teddy Grahams.
When you’ve been trying to study for three hours, but keep clicking on the next Buzzfeed quiz, you could really use a bit of help focusing. And what better way to do that than taking prescription drugs that aren’t prescribed to you? Better yet, ask for said drugs when you go to the door dressed as a slutty kitten this year.
3.) The Body You Had Senior Year of High School:
You were so thin and even a little muscled back then. Whether it was the onslaught of caf food with cookies always available, or maybe that you aren’t going to soccer practice twice a week, something definitely happened here, and Grandma is going to notice.
It may not fit in your trick-or-treat bag, but success would taste sweeter than any candy. Plus, come Thanksgiving, it would be nice to have a positive answer to give that aunt who keeps asking what exactly it is that you’re going to do with your life.
1.) Parental Love and Support:
Halloween would be a lot less scary if the next phone call from your dad didn’t highlight his disapproval of your major choice or your mom’s contempt toward your significant other. Maybe next year.
While you can’t actually trick or treat for the love of your parents or a fake ID, in actuality, college students will take what they can get, and candy will be gladly accepted.