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Wednesday Night Bowling Crowd At The Union About What You’d Expect

Cosmic Bowling at the Union has regularly been one of the more underrated gems of the Michigan State experience, though sophomore Amy Sands was able to confirm the crowd was, “pretty much the people you’d expect to find bowling underground on a Wednesday when they could be enjoying half off at Dublin.”

The bowling alley is divided by those who actually bowl, and those who just loiter awkwardly. There are also lanyard-laden freshman, timidly standing along the wall. They have either forgotten their shoe size or are perhaps slowly realizing that, no, Tom Izzo would not be in attendance.

“My RA in Yakely said it would be fun,” defended freshman Susan Whitfield, who came to make friends. “I heard Sparty comes by sometimes, but so far I’ve only met a group of international students who took up three lanes to giggle and vape near instead of bowling.”

Conversely, there are those that take the fun activity way too seriously. A majority of these bowlers are, what can only described as, “those kids who only wear zip-off cargo pants.”

Graphic-tee wearing, design student Matthew Feldman explained, “Some of my friends said I should get out more and enjoy myself. So naturally I found my place in the basement of the Union throwing strikes under a black light.”

The most intriguing collective are those who seem to have misinterpreted the meaning of “cosmic.”

“Looking at it now, yeah, I guess I was expecting something more ‘thematic,’” confessed astronomy major, Frank Drake.

At midnight when the event ended, most of its participants made their way over to The Peanut Barrel only to order exactly zero long islands.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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