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Wet Floor Ahead! Summer Heat Causes Interim President Engler To Melt Into Puddle

The dog days of Summer are almost at a close, but they have taken one last swipe at MSU Interim President Engler. Sources confirmed yesterday that after melting into a puddle Engler had been checked into Sparrow Hospital with “acute epidermis liquefaction,” more commonly known as “yo that dude is melting into a puddle, bro.”

A spokesperson confirmed that Engler is in stable condition, and his staff released the following statement: “This condition does not represent the true structural integrity of President Engler’s body. His skin is a strong, vibrant organ and all necessary steps will be taken to regain the trust of the rest of his organ systems, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.”

Engler is soon to be bottled up and released from the hospital, and still plans to run the university from the jar from which he will reside until he is returned to his solid state.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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