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Why Zeke the Wonder Dog Should Replace Interim President John Engler

Zeke the Wonder Dog is a Michigan State University staple; everyone and anyone who wears the colors of green and white knows about him. This is why we’re so disappointed that he wasn’t even considered in the choosing of an interim president. Zeke surely would have received a vote of full confidence, so here are some of the reasons why.

6.) He catches more frisbees:
Zeke the Wonder Dog’s main talent is catching frisbees in his mouth with impeccable form during half-time of most football games. What most people don’t know is that John Engler also dabbles in the catching of frisbees with his mouth. However, Engler’s perfect catch percentage is a bleak 21.3% as compared to Zeke’s 96.9%, making him a much more suitable interim president.

5.) His luscious golden locks:
Unlike John Engler’s dissipating hair line, Zeke is covered in silky golden locks. When running a university, image plays a major role in one’s success. Who would rather look at Baldy McBald when you could be looking at a model-like image? No one, that’s who.

4.) His sense of balance:
Canines are blessed with a near impeccable sense of balance as compared to humans. If there was ever a situation in which the president of the university needed to walk a thin tightrope across the Grand Canyon (which happens more often than you’d think), we can all agree that Zeke is the one we’d want representing MSU.

3.) He’s charismatic:
When he’s not busy catching frisbees, Zeke can be seen shaking hands with fans and discussing the wonderful things in life, like fire hydrants and squeaky toys. Being able to appear friendly and poised in front of the press and the board is essential to being a good university president. Zeke really does have the chaps for this job.

2.) How fast he can run:
When placed in front of a radar speed sign, Zeke can run, on average, a mind-blowing 42 miles per hour. Although this is only slightly faster than the average human running pace, he can still get places way faster than Engler could. It is called “running” a university, isn’t it?

1.) His prior experience running an academic institution:
A little-known campus fact is that Zeke the Wonder Dog actually ran his very own college, Pawdue University, where dogs of all breeds went to learn the ins and outs of the canine industries. Zeke ran this institution for 6 years, all while teaching his own frisbee-catching class. Luckily for us, Zeke retired and is now living a calm life of catching frisbees during half-time. More than Engler can say.

Clearly Zeke would have made a much better choice for interim president than John Engler. The facts don’t lie.

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