It’s the end of the world. Well, our world anyways. It’s been announced by the Satanic Cult that runs this university that Michigan Time–the extra 10 minutes between class that takes place after the hour–will be no more starting May 1. Under the new system, Michigan Time will take place before the hour, which is utter fucking nonsense. So, we’ve found the 10 things you can do before our favorite 10 minutes are taken away from us.
10.) Fail Gen Chem:
It literally only takes 10 minutes. Don’t believe us? Ask our GSI, we blame him. Okay fine, but it’s not our fault that everyone who enters UMich already has enough AP credits to have a doctorate.
9.) Have subpar sex with your ex-boyfriend:
You’re disappointed every time, yet here you are again. Why did you ever like him? While you’re in Miami for spring break, find a new man.
8.) Get on a self-powered treadmill at the IM Building and regret it:
This actually for sure takes less than 10 minutes — how cool! After feeling like a hamster propelling yourself on a fun wheel, you’ll realize how much you acutally hate this.
7.) Wait for Commuter North that never comes:
You see on the arrivals sign, “Next CN 4MIN,” and 40 minutes later, you’re still standing there avoiding BB at all costs.
6.) Give or receive a sad over the pants hand job (SOTPHJ) at Rick’s:
You never know what will go down in your favorite basement in all of Ann Arbor. Seduce someone, do the deed, and get another drink, girl.
5.) Make 10 pots of ramen:
Your parents are visiting this weekend, and you said you’ve become a foodie in your time living in Ann Arbor. But by foodie, you mean just eating out at Spencer and not actually cooking for yourself. They asked you to make them dinner, and they’re turning onto Packard. You know what to do.
4.) Make homemade protest signs to hang in front of Schlissel’s house:
They’re simple, they’re fast, they’re fun! Grab the nearest sharpie and piece of cardboard from the alley behind Pizza House, write down your demands and best Schlissel insult, and hang it on his front steps.
3.) Have three margs at Skeeps and vom discreetly:
They’re so sweet, you’ve already finished three of them, but you know what tequila does to you. You can’t fight through the crowd of mini skirts to make it to the bathroom, so your only choice is to vom in one of their mini pitchers and ditch it in a corner.
2.) Have a photoshoot with Reggie Bee:
Our campus heartthrob. What a guy. If you see him on your way to class, take a few pics together. Get some selfies, graduation photos, and even prom pics to send to your mom. She texts back, “As long as he keeps his tongue to himself!”
1.) Order Sadako and consume every morsel:
Their takeout is concerningly fast and always delicious. Treat yourself one last time before break. The best kind of rolls to have in a bikini are sushi rolls.
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