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Students Upset Over Loss of Day Drinking Opportunity After UM Spring Game Cancelled

Ann Arbor — WAKE UP, IT’S GAMEDAY!!!! Well, not anymore after the spring game for this weekend was cancelled because of expected thunderstorms on Saturday. 

Since UMich students have been living in the literal tundra this winter, and that whole March Madness thing took over every weekend, darty szn was close to nonexistent this year. And right when students thought the darty drought was ending—psych! Michigan weather is at it again, ruining lives and causing major disappointment.

When asked about what they were most looking forward to about the spring game, local senior Molly Michaels said, “I mean, it’s not like I was gonna study for any finals anyways. I go out to the bars literally every single night–it was going to be good to switch up my binge drinking habits for once and instead drink for the entire day and rally at night.”

It would have been a sight to see as the local tailgate houses setup half-assed beer pong games on their lawns while naive freshmen ran from Markley down to Hill Street in their sorority gear ready for a classic tailgate, only to be mildly underwhelmed by the fact that spring game is just a disappointing gameday knock-off.

“I really, really miss gamedays, and St. Patty’s was cool, and so were all those basketball games,” said freshman Kacey Johnson. “And then I love mixers and…”—at this point, Johnson lost her train of thought and walked away, but you could tell she was really sad about the spring game cancellation. 

The spring game was also supposed to be a night game, and given how concerned the university was about us not being able to handle night games last semester, it’s refreshing that athletics holds such a monopoly over this campus that Schlissel’s opinion literally did not matter!

This was also supposed to be the return of Harbaugh, who literally everyone forgot about until now because John Beilein was the hot rod on campus. Some may say Harbaugh is overhyped, but sadly he won’t be returning this Saturday to show us why he gets paid the big bucks to coach a not-so-hot football team at a football school that is now a basketball school, but maybe actually a wrestling and/or hockey school.

Unfortunately, there are officially no more socially acceptable opportunities to day drink in public this semester, but many expect sorority girls to fill their Saturday morning with mimosas at another boozy brunch as they discuss their night out at Rick’s and how that hot guy was, like, totally hitting on them.


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