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6 Things to Say During The First Round Montana Game on Thursday

March Madness is here and for all of the ladies and not-so-bruhs, it usually means having to agree with guys when they’re talking about “the game” that you have no idea about. Since we go to Michigan and we’re in March Madness again this year, it makes sense that we should have some sort of idea about what is happening so we can all cheer along and be ~relatable~. Try out some of these sayings in our first round game against Montana (yes, that’s who we’re playing) and everyone will totally believe that you’re actually a March Madness expert:

6.) “Isn’t Mo Wagner just, like, a total babe?”:
When you think hot, you think of 6-foot, 11-inch men straight out of Germany. Mo is like our top scorer, we think, so anyone who’s anyone will be completely and utterly in love with Mo Wagner because of just everything he has done for this university. Does he attend classes? Probably not. Does he study? Most definitely not. Does he resemble a brick wall upon the rare occasion you see him on campus? For sure. Talk about Mo and everyone will totally think you know your shit.

5.) “Montana is, like, not even real”:
So is anyone actually from the state of Montana? Do real people live there, or is it just cows? We’re placing bets on the fact that the state exclusively produces cows and we will actually be playing cows in basketball which just seems like a complete joke anyways. Maybe the University of Montana calls themselves U of M or something. They have a 92% acceptance rate. Come on people, it’s a fake school.

4.) “That sick rebound? Soooo classic of Muhammad Ali Abdur Rakhman”:
Please make sure you don’t mess up any of Muhammad Ali Abdur Rakhman’s name, that’s step #1 here. Who cares if you know what a rebound is or how it works or if you’re even talking about the right sport here (hint: you are!). Men and women everywhere at Michigan literally get off to the sounds of Muhammad Ali Abdur Rakhman’s name.

3.) “My bracket is actually insane. Like top 99 percentile for sure, it’s gonna be perfect this year”:
Who cares if you actually choose your bracket based off of which mascot would win in a fight? As long as you use those classic basketball buzzwords like “upset,” “crunch time,” “buzzer beater,” and “seeds,” you’re set! Everyone loves buzzwords, like “synergy” and “innovation” and stuff like that, so throw out basketball buzzwords like you’re shooting three pointers!

2.) “It’s soooooo annoying that we’re a #3 seed. We’re totally gonna beat UNC”:
This one goes to the academic equivalence of U of M and UNC, and everyone who will be saying “I chose U of M over UNC when I made my college decision” despite the fact that both schools are completely different. Almost like how everyone at Michigan says that U of M is basically Cornell without the Ivy title–it’s the same thing with UNC!

1.) “This is more like March Sadness, am I right?”:
Using your favorite new buzzword “upset,” throw around how much you know about March Madness all the time. Or even better, relate it to your life. Everything is lowkey falling apart? Totally fine, just use March Madness conversations to somehow relate the fact that you’re failing Stats 250 to how those 16 seeds really just have no chance. Just like you actually never had a chance in Stats 250…

 

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