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What if Michigan Alumni Made up the Nativity Scene?

Merry Christmas, Wolverines! Since winter break is just around the corner, and while perusing the M DEN, what was lacking (in the midst of all the Michigan toasters, bread warmers, golf clubs and potholders) was the nativity scene with baby Jesus, Mother Mary, Father Joseph, and the wise men. It’s a popular display you’ll see at some point during the holidays, but what if the members of the nativity scene were made up of University of Michigan alumni?

5.) Baby Jesus:
“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in [his] ghost manger…”  played by our beloved Jim Harbaugh. If anyone were to come save our football program like Jesus saved the world, it’s our good man Jimmy. He’s worshiped by students and adults all over campus and the state of Michigan. Though just a baby in the Michigan athletic department, he’s a true icon among the Wolverines and Michiganders and has earned the honor of representing Jesus in his infancy.

4.) Father Joseph:
Our beloved DADDY would be the one and only, James Earl Jones. Not only is he the best part of the greatest hype video to ever grace this earth, he’s also one of the most famous Michigan alumni ever. Never forget one of the most iconic quotes spoken by the man himself (“Luke, I am your father”), Jones is Michigan’s first and favorite child. He displays discipline and love in The Sandlot, characteristics we all want in a father figure.

3.) Mother Mary:
How convenient that our Mother Mary would be the one and only, Madonna. Our treasured Madonna may have only attended our university for a brief two years, but two years enough for us to consider her one of our own. She sang and danced her way into stardom, and, to add even more to her credibility, she sings the hit song “Like a Virgin,” which is clearly her acknowledging herself as the Mother Mary. 

2.) A wise man:
Although there are typically three wise men, our favorite Olympic athlete Michael Phelps is more than enough for us. What Phelps lacks in frankincense and myrrh he makes up in gold (23 gold medals). You’ll be able to shut those MSU fans you hate to admit your relation to real fast when they hear about all the gold you have (OK, it’s not yours, but it’s close enough).

1.) The shepherd:
The one, the only, Tom Brady. We could never forget one of the most talented quarterbacks to ever set foot on the field. He reps a favorite basic-bitch brand, coincidentally lined with sheep-skin, UGG, and he once led a team of misfits from the early 2000s into a decade-plus dynasty. Even if there are Wolverines who aren’t fans of his (and there are), he’s undoubtedly a shepherd on the field. 

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