Connect with us
Connect with us

Michigan

Unsuspecting Freshman Attempts To Feed North Campus Wildlife, Loses Favorite Masturbating Hand

As told by onlookers, freshman and Bursley dweller, Noah Greco, lost his right hand to a herd of deer lead by an overweight raccoon near the Pierpont bus stop yesterday evening. 

Other students getting off the bus reported watching Noah run towards the gang of animals wielding a half eaten Mojo cookie he snuck out of the dining hall yelling, “I’m gonna get this shit on Barstool!”

Little did Noah know that the animals of North hadn’t been fed those orgasmically fresh cookies since late April, and they had needs. 

Noah got out his phone and started to snap his encounter when things went south. We contacted Noah at the hospital, where began to tell his story, but was quickly overcome with emotion by the thought of having to switch hand dominance and all the lotion he’d waste in the process. Or even worse, finding a left handed desk in lecture. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Michigan

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top