Ladies and gents, get ready for the drinking event of a lifetime this Monday evening. We’re in the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, and everyone is about to actually lose their minds, so skip all of your Monday classes to get to your favorite South U bar at 11 a.m., Skeeps at 8 a.m., or any other establishment at an irrational time. In order to make this night even more iconic, try your hand at this National Championship drinking game to be at the perfect level for 12 hours of straight binge drinking!
5.) Shotgun a beer every time the announcer says Muhammad Ali Abdur Rakhman’s full name correctly:
This one is a mouthful and once you’re already drunk, it may be impossible to get it out when you’re cheering him on. Extra points for when you properly pronounce Moritz Wagner while cheering him on too, because German names are simply hard. Here’s to being sober enough to get that right!
4.) Take a shot every time we miss a three-pointer or a free throw:
Given our dismal return on threes and free throws during the Final Four, you’re gonna need to be many many tequila shots deep to survive the game. With how much we’ll need to hold back Villanova to accomplish anything at all, this game is going to be pretty difficult to watch. But hey, we’re good under pressure, right…right?
3.) Take two sips every time someone around you makes a “at least we have better academics” comment:
Since we haven’t actually played a school with better academics over the course of the tournament (objectively, some may say we even have the best academics in the entire tournament), Villanova tries to give us a run for our money. But no worries—remember that Villanova’s acceptance rate is 43.5% and Michigan’s is 28.6%, so take those sips as you realize you’re not gonna make it to your 10 a.m. tomorrow!
2.) Take a few pulls every time someone around you doesn’t realize that Villanova is also a Jesuit school or mentions Sister Jean:
We beat a Jesuit school on Easter weekend, but they were technically at a weak point since Jesus hadn’t risen yet. Now that Sister Jean is out of the running, there’s no go-to old lady to bash, and we’re kind of confused who we’re dealing with (until we realize that Villanova is also Jesuit, but who cares about Reverend Rob Hagan?).
1.) Finish your drink every time you’re in fear Beilein is probably on the verge of a heart attack:
Let’s face it, Beilein is not a looker for sure. When all of these other teams come out with their silver fox coaches, we have Beilein who looks like he’ll drop at any second. To be fair, he is only 65, but that receding hairline isn’t doing him any justice here. Every close call, finish your drink in honor of this man making it through another hour.
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