This semester has been wild and you’ve stayed overnight at more frats than you can count on one hand (OK, maybe both hands). In hindsight, it’s probably a good thing you’ve hoarded all the frat shirts you were given for your walk of shame (ahem, stride of pride). The solid evidence of your glorious conquests would be great to scrub to finals in if he didn’t ghost you for Julia in Kappa Cappuccino. But hey, now that that idea is out the window, you might as well find some way to make use of them before the semester is over, right?
9.) Make them into a quilt:
Michigan winters are as cold as the hearts of men who leave you on read the morning after. Plus, you gotta have something to keep your bed warm at night.
8.) Build a trophy wall of your accomplishments:
You gotta admit that 10 frats in one semester is impressive. They’re like Pokemon cards—gotta collect ‘em all. Don’t forget about how you can put those top house letters smack dab in the middle, or better yet, your sorority’s. Gotta get the PNMs to pledge you somehow, amirite.
7.) Make a dog toy:
Turn the shirt from your boy toy into a chew toy for a good boy! If you don’t have a dog of your own, there’s always Reggie Bee. He’s the good boy that will never pretend you don’t exist!
6.) Create fashionable tailgate gear:
Honestly, going back to his frat for a tailgate in his own shirt is a power move. Make sure you make direct eye contact when you shotgun a Natty on that elevated surface for emphasis.
5.) Use them as puke rags:
This will come in handy when you get belligerently drunk the next time you bump into him with the girl he ghosted you for at Skeeps. Another tequila shot, please!
4.) Sell them to the weird geed from your Stat250 lecture:
He’s gotta try to get into frats somehow after rush is over, and you know he didn’t get considered for a bid anywhere. Yeah, he asked for your number on the first day of class and wouldn’t leave you alone for the remainder of the semester, but maybe if you get him into an actual party he’ll find someone else to cling to and finally take a hint.
3.) Keep them nearby to wipe your tears at night:
No, Nancy, I’m totally over him!
2.) Pile them up on the right side of your bed:
Who said you had to ~feel~ alone while sleeping alone? Cuddling with a reminder of your sexual endeavors feels a lot better in the morning than waking up to Chad from Lambda Why, anyway.
1.) Just give them back: