Capitalize on your precious remaining time here by taking advantage of everything the university has. Literally, take everything. If you just take your favorite items with you from UMich when you leave, you’ll never have to miss them ever again! Here is a list of items you need in your life that you can acquire from your time as a student.
12.) Part of the walls in the MLB:
The MLB is the most confusing building because there aren’t any windows. Go ahead and take a few! You’ll be able to recreate the MLB experience whenever you want to feel lost!
11.) Reggie, the free range Corgi:
Reggie is a campus hero. He likes pizza, squirrels, and students. What more do you need?
10.) Paper clips from campus computing sites:
You never know when you’re going to need to create a chain mail suit out of office supplies. It’s best to stock up now.
9.) The huge decorative chairs in West Quad:
After you graduate, chances are you’ll be in a small boring apartment somewhere in the U.S., with the appeal of a dead raccoon. It can be a struggle to decorate and find your aesthetic. However, if you just take one of these grand chairs with you when you complete your degree, your new apartment will be complete, no extra accessorizing will be necessary.
8.) A sad, unmatched, men’s sock from the Lloyd laundry room:
Socks can be transformed into many things: a wine bottle cover, a door knob decoration to subtly let your roommate know that you’re “busy”, or even a hand puppet. Really, grab as many as you can.
7.) The apron of the head chef at SQuad:
It’s got to have magical cooking powers. It’s been through years of spice rubs and marinades, and you deserve to have it.
6.) Bricks from the Diag:
Need a unique paper weight? What about a discrete item to keep in your purse for self-defense purposes? A Diag brick is the item for you. They’re tricky to remove from the ground, but legend has it, the missing bricks are always replaced within 24 hours. They’re the perfect gifts for family and significant others too.
5.) Power strips from the UGLi:
Can you think of a reason not to take these? They’re the most beautiful gift to this earth. You can have up to four things plugged in at once! Finally, you can watch March Madness games, charge your phone, operate your trusty vibrator, and curl your hair, all at the same time! Just don’t get the last two luxury items mixed up.
4.) The South U street sign:
Hang it up in your apartment post-graduation. Whenever you throw a party and are really trying to pull, you can just point at it and wink, saying “I’m going South on U tonight” 😉
3.) A Diag squirrel:
Sometimes mistaken for small cats, Diag squirrels make the perfect pets. They’re super cute, and exude school spirit.
2.) A Michigan waffle iron from EQuad:
Just imagine yourself in 10+ years making Sunday brunch for your family. It would be dishonorable to serve them anything but the best. If you want your son’s first word to be “Harbaugh,” you have to do it.
1.) The wolverine costume that Mrs. Schlissel wears every Halloween:
She thinks we don’t know that it’s her inside that sweaty thing. Even though it’s a Halloween costume, make the most of it every day of the year by regularly attending furry conventions.
These items are the most treasured things campus has to offer. Be selfish, and take them. You know you deserve them after all that hard work you’ve done for the past four years.
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