Ah, November: the leaves are falling, it’s cuffing szn (and you’re not cuffed), the apple orchard pictures are clogging up your Insta feed, your trying to remember how to fake smile for all your weird relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, oh, and the OSU game is coming up. In honor of the most heated rivalry in all of college football, The Black Sheep put together a list of the twenty things you ACTUALLY hate more than OSU.
20.) When Cantina decides to randomly have a cover charge:
Even worse, when Cantina decides to randomly have a cover charge and let’s all the girls in and prohibits anyone with a penis from getting past the bouncer in the front. RIP to those fake tequila shots awaiting you.
19.) When you get the spins:
We all know “the spins”–that sudden urge to make your Uber pull over so you can lie down flat on your face on the concrete in front of the rock so everything STOPS moving. The spins are worse than Urban Meyer on a game day.
18.) When you see a freshman year hook-up in the dining hall:
Is it so hard to go anywhere on this campus in peace?! The moment when you see that person you met at Necto one regrettable night also reaching for the tongs at the salad bar is definitely worse than OSU.
17.) When you run to catch a bus and it leaves without you:
You, running with your backpack on, exasperated, sweaty, heart racing. It’s a true sight to behold. This one is way worse than the colors scarlet and gray.
16.) When you’re #SRATTY/#FRATTY AF, and Greek life is dead:
This ones for you die hard sorority girls and SICK frat bros. When Greek life died, so did your social life, perhaps your world as you know it. Shocking, no, but for some, just truly devastating, heartbreaking. *cue small violins and exaggerated sobs* Definitely worse than seeing OSU football players break loose and score a TD against the Wolverines.
15.) When your 8 a.m. gets cancelled and you’re already at Angell Hall:
Hell. Even worse when it’s sub -1294839 degrees and you’re wearing your go-to booty call sweatshirt, pajama pants with a hole in the ankle, and nothing else.
14.) When you have an exam on Friday, but it’s thirsty Thursday:
This is a direct hit at all the professors who think exams should fall on Fridays. Clearly, it’s a weekly holiday (Thursday) and some people are just tryna turn up. Don’t try and tell us professors don’t have at least A GLASS of wine after an exhausting Thursday.
13.) Mason Hall bathrooms:
A Michigan student would rather hang out with someone who goes to OSU then have to be anywhere NEAR the disturbing sight that is a Mason Hall bathroom.
12.) The MLB:
An architects worst nightmare, and yours too every Tuesday and Thursday from 10-11:30 a.m.
11.) Third wheeling:
When your roommate brings home a boy and the 10×12 room is just too close for comfort? That’s worse than OSU.
10.) Pizza House calories:
And alcohol calories…and No Thai calories… and Fishbowl calories… and calories in general. Rather have OSU munch us up on Saturday.
9.) When sorority houses are chanting during rush:
Never has there ever been something so annoying and so elongated and so loud and so much worse than OSU.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times (it was also worse than OSU). RIP Bursley.
7.) Night games:
It is humanly impossible to shotgun 14 Natty Lights at 10 a.m. and somehow walk through those golden gates of the Big House at 7 o’clock at night. It isn’t happening. You forgot to sell your ticket. Your passed out on your floor in flash tats. You forgot you ordered a pizza. It never came. You took an L, you lost, you’re a hot mess, and it was way worse than OSU.
6.) Looking back on Snapchat stories the morning after a Tina Tuesday:
Who is that 40-year-old man you’re dancing with on the stage of Cantina? Nobody knows honey, nobody knows. Just take us as we are Buckeyes.
5.) When your flight to New Jersey/anywhere on the East Coast is delayed:
Have you ever actually flown out of DTW without having a delay/a cancellation/ some sort of major issue? The answer is no East Coasters. No you haven’t. Head over to P.F. Chang’s, stay for the long run, and truly ponder if this is better than OSU.
4.) LSA advisors:
“Hi, yes, I don’t think I’m on the track to any major, I’m considering dropping out, I’m failing three classes and my life is falling apart,” says you. “You’re doing amazing sweetie,” says the advisor.
3.) Diag flyering:
No one needs a flyer for free yoga/free hugs/free improvisational dance to the sounds of a Blue Bus screeching in the distance. Everyone needs to get to where they’re going. No one exercises, no one spins, and even a Michigan win wouldn’t make this better.
If you haven’t been run over and nearly killed by one of the intense bikers who never stop for anything EVER then you probably don’t attend this university. OSU > bikers? Yes.
1.) Tour groups:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP STANDING ALL AROUND CAMPUS IN THE ENTRANCEWAYS OF EVERY MAJOR CLASS BUILDING.
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