Drunk Ann Arbor, more importantly midweek drunk Ann Arbor, is a sight to behold. If you pass by these lovely public places on any Tina Tuesday, Thirsty Thursday, Friday night or gameday, you’ll be quick to realize that when the clock strikes ten minutes past “Kamatcha shot o’clock” (don’t forget Michigan time!) they immediately become the top 7 places Michigan sorority girls love to pee in Ann Arbor.
7.) Fraternity Lawns:
In a drunk sorority girl brain, the Washtenaw fraternity lawn is as nice as the East Quad residence hall bathroom. C’mon – if Chad from Sigma Baked Potato texted you “roll thru” but you really had to pee on your way there, it would probably make sense to take a quick pit stop at Alpha Mashed Sweet Potato to pee on their lawn. Colin from Alpha Mashed Sweet Potato left you on read last week, so it’s kind of like sorority-girl payback.
6.) Pizza House:
Sometimes, Garage Bar and Charley’s are just 10 feet too far from one another to hold your pee. Or it’s -11 degrees and you’re wearing duct tape as a skirt and a piece of $93 Free People fabric as a shirt, so it’s just too uncomfortable to freeze your ass off to get denied from Garage Bar. 17 Long Island Iced Teas later and the Pizza House in sight, you’ll never want to break the seal as much as you do now.
5.) East Quad:
East Quad was asking to be the gameday pee/rest stop. You can’t just put a dorm building on East University and leave it unlocked on a Saturday morning and not expect the entire sisterhood of Alpha Delti Potato Croquette to take a pit stop. Let’s all feel sorry for the janitors that have to peel 36 left behind Kappa Kappa French Fry face stickers off the wall.
4.) Upstairs in Frat Houses:
Yes, frat houses do have bathrooms on the first floor where they hold their mixers. And yes, there are twelves couches that a bunch of pledges stacked on top of each other blocking the staircase. But what is a sorority girl going to do? Better yet, what is a Phi Gamma Potato Chip groupie going to do? She’s going to climb over those couches like they’re Mount Everest, and she’s going to go use the upstairs bathroom. Why? Probably because she wants to run into Cam from Phi Gamma Potato Chip. And because the mirror is bigger in there. Girls gotta scheme.
3.) Angell Elementary Parking Lot:
To be fair, this is an unfortunate location for an elementary school. School zone by day, booze zone by night. Fun game: take a shot every time a pack of sorority girls is walking past Angell Elementary holding their heels in one hand and Snapchatting in the other hand. Oh my God, Becky, you can’t just pee there. Yes, Becky can. And she will. You go, girl, just beware of the fact you’re peeing on or near a school.
2.) Porta Potties:
What’s a gameday without a line of sorority girls trying to cop that quick pit pee? Well, it’s probably not a gameday, that’s for sure. Sammi from Delta Delta Tator Tot told us that she once fit seven of her sorority sisters in one Porta Potty. We’ll see about that.
1.) The Big House:
If a drunk sorority girl actually makes it into the Big House on gameday, get that girl a medal. She may be the first. And the last. In all seriousness, bucket lists should be topped with “Pee in the Big House” because if you do that, you can at least say you made it inside.