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Best Times for Your Walk of Shame Between Dinky and Stadium Village

Congratulations, you had a wild night out and made a regrettable choice (or twelve), and now you’re stuck across campus from your apartment after the most ill-advised hookup of your life. Unfortunately for you, the walk between Dinky and Stadium Village, the two most popular party spots on campus, is a horrible tundra of cold, drunks, and judgment. And we all know you wouldn’t be as smart as to stay in the neighborhood where you live, so you’ve got to make that trek. So what’s the optimal time to make that long journey home?

2 a.m.
For those of you out there who like to sleep–and we here at The Black Sheep know that’s all of you–this is hard choice. On the one hand, you’d have to shiver your way home for twenty minutes in a barely-populated campus where the only people you’ll see are completing similar shame-walks back to their respective neighborhoods. On the other hand, you’ll make it home in time to crash in your own bed and sleep ‘til three the next afternoon.

You’ll also give Regrettable Choice #4 of last night the cold shoulder by refusing to spend the night, but how much do you like that guy anyway?

6 a.m.
This is a bad choice for the sleep-lovers out there, but this is the time you’ll run into the least judgment since no one in their right mind is awake this early on a weekend. Regrettable Choice #4 won’t be too pleased with you, but you’re probably not too pleased with yourself right now. This will be a pretty cold walk since the sun hasn’t come up yet, but hey, this is Minnesota and you’re used to it.

9 a.m.
This is the time for judgment. This is the time for stares, lip curls, sneers, and all the stuff you’re trying to avoid as you awkwardly shuffle home wearing your trashed clothes from last night or something you borrowed from your Regrettable Choice #4. Either way, everyone knows exactly what you were up to last night.

All of that said, the walk won’t be terrible regarding wind chill, and you’ll get to sleep a decent amount. And hey, maybe you like your Regrettable Choice #4! Maybe you don’t want to snub them! You’re obviously still a little drunk from the night before, which might cloud your judgment, but you can always get mad at yourself for staying when you sober up.

12 p.m.
You’ll have no chance of blending in now, so let the judgment befall you. You can’t even have solidarity with the rest of the Walk-of-Shamers that left at nine. Still, you got a full morning of sleep and maybe even some more fun with Regrettable Choice #4 of yours, but if that’s your thing, you’ve just gotta own it. And you’ll probably make it home after your roommates leave for the day, so you won’t incur their own personal brand of judgement.

7 p.m.
Did you really just spend all day with Regrettable Choice #4?! Hopefully, at this point you’ve sobered up enough to know if that’s really a good idea or not, or maybe you just got even drunker after you woke up this morning. If so, Tomorrow You is going to hate you for this when Regrettable Choice #4 starts texting you in that clingy way that Regrettable Choices do sometimes. Either way, with the sun starting to set, no one is expecting you so put your hood up and sunglasses on and try not to meet anyone’s eye and maybe you’ll be safe.

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