A Minnesota winter is almost upon us, and you know what that means! It’s time to start preparing for your odyssey to class in the weather. Sure, there’s snow, but the wind is what makes you wish you went to school anywhere else but freezing Hell, Minnesota. Brace yourself and your face by doing your research on the worst windiest places on Campus:
5.) Gateway Plaza:
The Mac is a popular place for wedding receptions, for some reason. Sure, Macnamara is poppin’ when you get a DJ and some strobe lights, but going outside for a smoke is an exercise in futility. The wind indiscriminately attacks anyone, wedding guest or student alike.
4.) Frigid Ford:
Taking the path-less-traveled on the OTHER side of Washington takes you on a scenic journey past Amundsen and that weird globe thing. As soon as you get to Ford Hall underneath the shiny aluminum-foil bridge, all musings of Robert Frost and the Four Loko you had last night are wiped from your brain by a chilly swirling vortex.
3.) Washington Avenue:
Wind blows the entire length of everyone’s favorite thoroughfare. A big problem is that Washington’s hard to avoid. A bigger problem is that every time you try to have a pleasant walk home, you get blown around so much it’s like you’re a caricature of Marylin Monroe.
2.) Health Sciences Wind Tunnel:
You know what we’re talking about. If you ever need to cut some time on your speedwalk to class from Superblock, you’ve gone through the Moos Wind Tunnel. But you didn’t end up saving any time at all because the wind always blows against the exact direction you’re trying to go. Not to mention the fact your hair is practically inside-out upon emerging from this industrial-grade wind chamber. Nice try.
The absolute worst place to experience the essence of Minnesota winter is outside of the whack WAM. No protection from the western wind results in a faceful of the yearning for the sweet embrace of death. Whether you’re fleeing to the safety of the bridge to finish your trek to West Bank or rounding the bend to Bruininks, the blast of frosty air will make your skull literally hurt. If Hell was cold instead of flame-ridden, this would be it.
The thought of these pockets of windy punishment makes us break out in a cold sweat–that is soon frozen by the evil, evil winds of Minnesota. Now that you have a better idea of what you’re up against this winter, take some time to pack extra snacks for your journey to lecture.
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