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The Day I Met President Kaler


 The day I met president Kaler I woke up late for class.

I got into my car and drove really fast.

I didn’t have time to fully put on my coat

Or think up an excuse for the paper I should’ve wrote.


Another car was driving through a red light.

I slammed on the breaks with all of my might.

It didn’t help and I hit the car with a crash.

I looked at the driver before my head hit the dash.


It was president Kaler in his Kaler-mobile!

With the “Kaler” license plate on his car (yes, that is for real).

He broke free of the wreck and started to yell.

His face was so red. He was mad. I could tell.


“What the fuck were you thinking?!” he screamed in my face.

I started to cry, there was a pause, then an embrace.

I hugged the shit out of Kaler, yeah, I fucking did.

“Get out of the intersection!” yelled some weirded-out kid.


We paid no attention and talked about stuff.

He told me that I hadn’t studied enough.

I told him that he should keep his biz to himself

And told him he looked like a troll mixed with an elf.


That didn’t go over well and we exchanged insurance.

He said “I’ll see you in court” in angry assurance.

I flipped him the bird and walked to my class,

Daydreaming of scenarios where I’d beat Kaler’s ass.


That was the day I met President Kaler,

When we went bumper to bumper and he called me a failure.

Soon after, however, my dreams came to fruition.

I’m debt free now because Kaler pays my tuition.


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