Dining halls are an endless pit of despair where you try to force your way through another odd concoction that food service is hoping will catch on, or choke down yet another piece of pizza for the fourth night in a row. However, 17th Dining Hall is generally considered the best one on campus. The athletes live there, and their lives are worth more after all. Here’s a comprehensive look at a single dinner at 17th rated from most disgusting to least disgusting–though, let’s be real, none of it’s like, real food.
9.) A… wrap?:
Looks like a wrap, but is it one? This is the worst option you can go for–it looks innocent enough, but see that rice in there? It’s very hot. The vegetables surrounding it are very cold. It is not a pleasant combination. There’s also some sort of weird yellow paste that ties the whole thing together, and it’s hard to tell whether it helps the dish or just makes it ten times worse. Avoid the wrap stand at all costs.
8.) Vegan beef burrito:
All things vegan are automatically worse, but a vegan beef burrito sounds and tastes like an oxymoron. It looks kind of like a regular beef burrito, and tastes maybe 15% like one, yet it also just doesn’t. There’s something fishy about it.
Do everyone a favor and leave this dish for the actual vegans. Their scale of most-least disgusting is an entirely different world than ours. They eat tofu, after all. Or is tofu off-limits for them, too?
7.) Odd-looking sandwich:
Even after eating this one, it’s hard to tell exactly what the hell is in it. The bread looks good, but the inside looks very mysterious. There’s some sort of hot meat inside, and once again the dining hall has mixed it with cold vegetables. You can’t even properly enjoy ripping off the bread and just eating that since the weird, cold sauce is stuck to it. But if you ignore the sandwich, chips are chips, and you can’t go wrong with those.
6.) Something colorful:
This dish looks creative at the very least and has lots of colors to brighten up your evening. The meat tastes like chicken, and the rice, despite being brighter than you’d expect, tastes pretty much like rice. The dining hall has once again tricked you into thinking you’re eating a hot meal, but those veggies off to the side? Freezing cold. At least they’re separated now. The corn on the other hand, is very hot. Probably to distract you from the fact that it has no seasoning. Is the dish good? No. Is it a crime against nature? Not really. You’ll survive this meal.
5.) Good old pizza:
You can’t wrong with pizza, and it’s almost always an option. Unless you come to 17th during their rush hour and then you might be out of luck. Still, it’s a solid backup plan, even if it’s too greasy and you can only have it so many times a week before it stops being enjoyable. And when pizza stops being enjoyable, your life is pretty meaningless.
4.) Salad bar:
The salad bar is also good and probably healthier for your backup plan when there’s nothing else that you can possibly stomach. You can even tell your mom that you had a salad today so she can stop worrying. Salad’s pretty hard to screw up, even if it is a little boring. So you’re guaranteed decency at the very least. It’s definitely not going to kill you, and you can even get shredded cheese! Maybe you’ll just eat the shredded cheese off the top and call it “eating salad.”
3.) Burger and Fries:
A solid and respectable meal. It’s not like your dad’s grilling it outside at a cookout, but it’s a reliable favorite that tastes pretty much like it’s supposed to. Still, you have to wait in a longer line for this one, and even interact with the dining hall staff. If you’re looking to spend as little time as possible in the dining hall, you might want to skip the line on this one.
2.) An attempt at dessert:
Sometimes, the dining hall surprises us with a really solid attempt to bring some joy into our miserable lives, and this sopapilla dessert is a half-decent one. They’re baked all the way through, have a good amount of sugar, there’s some presumably fresh fruit on top, and who can mess up whipped cream? Details could be gone into on the stickiness of the fruit sauce and the small portions, but hey, this isn’t Top Chef, and we’re always thrilled when the dining hall goes above and beyond the call of duty and creates something almost edible for a change.
Oh cereal, what we do without you? There’s nothing like a good old bowl of Lucky Charms for dinner, and no one can screw up your favorite cereal. Not even the dining halls–though they will try. The milk might be a little sour, but sometimes you just have to let that go and focus on the positives in life, like the fact that you won’t have a meal plan forever.
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