Each UMN College has its own artful way of hooking up and it is often difficult to keep them straight. Lucky for you, The Black Sheep has provided a sequel to each college’s version of “Netflix and Chill” and given you a first-hand tour of what they are like. Enjoy!
College of Ed. And Human Development—“Lesson Plan and Chill”
After working with children or managing people who behave like children, you are nearly shaking with excitement for a change of pace. You make sure to remove your applesauce-stained pants and the sweatshirt of the school where you are completing your practicum before heading over to your meet-up. Although taking time to care for yourself is not something you are used to, you splurge a little and take the time to put on a little make-up and take your hair out of your ponytail. Through the use of ‘I’ statements and positive reinforcement, you help guide your partner into your uncharted domain about halfway through Season 6 of The Community.
Carlson School of Management—“Debits, Credits and Chill”
You have scoured every corner of LinkdIn searching for a mate who is financially stable and has at least 200 connections, but you have not been successful. You both show up to the meeting 20 minutes early, reeking of a mix of colognes recommended to you by Business Insider. Your suit is freshly pressed and is accentuated with a tie you chose to show others that you are certainly good at your job but are not always overly serious. You and your counterpart share a nice, firm handshake. That is as far as you get because a firm handshake can be just as satisfying as “going all the way.”
College of Design—“Rasterize and Chill”
Armed with a complete rendering of each moment of the coming night, you walk from Rapson Hall. Your outfit is a mix of colors that are very close to not matching, but your skills from GDES 1312 finally paid off and somehow you still pull them off. Once you arrive, your partner puts on a re-run of Project Runaway, and both of you imitate Tim Gunn’s voice as a form of seduction. The copious amount of cutouts in your outfit not only ads sex appeal, but they also create an abundance of easy access points. Wearing the goggles for the Virtual Reality Design Lab may make it harder to kiss, but they also help you make sure your aesthetic is perfection.
Hopefully now you have a better idea of what your FWB wants when you invite them over for an extremely low maintenance shag. Everybody has their kinks, but despite the differences, it can be agreed that lazy, aromantic sex with pizza and and re-runs allowed is the best sex.