Between all your classes, drinking, never-ending homework, drinking, impossible work schedule, binge-watching, and drinking, it’s a miracle if you manage to drag yourself to the gym once a week. And to make it worse, there’s always “That Guy” at RecWell who looks athletic and wonderful and doesn’t faint while doing pull-ups to make you feel bad about yourself.
Casey Logan, a junior here at the U, is “That Guy.”
“Oh yeah, I come to the RecWell every evening,” Logan tells The Black Sheep, golden hair, sparkling in the light and reflecting off him at every angle, making him look like a work of art as he runs on the treadmill while being interviewed. “I do an hour-long workout every weekday and two hours on the weekends.”
We know you must be thinking; surely this Adonis has only been blessed with good looks and athleticism and is actually a stupid, 1.5 GPA oaf underneath it all? Surely we could stomach him if he were an idiot, right?
“I study biochemical engineering and have a 4.0 GPA,” Logan, who has also never broken a sweat in his life or doubled over after sprinting for a long distance, flashes a bright smile. “I have a paid internship already lined up for this summer and plan on studying abroad in Australia in the fall.”
Alright, so he’s got brains and brawn. The nerve of that guy, honestly! Alright, so he’s got all kinds of free time with which to screw around at the RecWell and still get his homework done, then.
“I’m taking nineteen credit hours and have a full-time job at the animal shelter,” Logan says as he moves onto the running track. The Black Sheep reporters got very winded trying to keep up with him and eventually just keeled over and asked questions from a fetal position. “I also recycle.”
He must be a loser, then! He must have no friends, never go out partying, and never experienced a hangover in his life!
Unfortunately for those of us rooting for Logan’s demise, he has photographic evidence of getting crazy wasted at a party timestamped last weekend, so we don’t even have that going for us.
Every student who drags themselves to the RecWell while slightly hungover and sick with stress about their midterms knows a Logan Casey, and every student lowkey wants to kill him or steal his life, depending on the day.
For now, we’ll have to settle for our weekly tradition of feeling like death is upon us after five minutes on the treadmill.
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