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Kaler Spotted Outside Don Lucia’s Window Holding Boombox

According to professed stoners Matt Fischer and Danny Platska, University of Minnesota President Eric Kaler began throwing stones at former head hockey coach Don Lucia’s bedroom window at 10 p.m. on Tuesday night.

“We were walking along the river, minding our own business, blasted out of our minds, when we heard the president making a ruckus,” said Platska. “We hid in the bushes to listen in.”

On the ground next to a clearly drunk Kaler, a boombox played what appeared to them to be the Minnesota Rouser. After five or six stones, the recently resigned Lucia opened the 2nd story window.

“The coach was mad that Eric had woken him and his wife up,” said Fischer. “But Kaler just kept pleading for him to come back to the Gophers.”

The pair said that the situation escalated once Kaler mentioned Penn State, which drove Lucia into a blood-lusted frenzy for some time. Kaler continued to entreat Lucia as furniture and torn Penn State banners flew out the various windows of the Lucia abode.

After settling down, Lucia came out the front door to talk with Kaler.

“It became harder to hear them, and we were getting distracted and chuckling at random stuff on the ground,” said Platska. “By the time we got focused again, the coach and the president were hugging and crying. It was touching quite frankly.”

After promising to meet Lucia the next day for golf instead of addressing the Coffman situation, Kaler turned and walked down the driveway, not seeing Lucia giving him the finger as he closed the door. Kaler picked up the boombox and, holding it above his head, began belting out the Minnesota Rouser as he walked away.

“We were crying for like five minutes in that bush,” said Fischer, still tearful at the memory. “Kaler’s a real romantic when it comes to harassing your former head hockey coach.”

Both Kaler and Lucia declined to comment, though Kaler definitely looked saddened by the mentioning and Lucia seemed exceptionally embarrassed.




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