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LinkedIn Slowly Becoming the New Tinder

You’re scrolling through your phone, looking at some guy or girl that you might be interested in. You see their picture, then their interests, followed by some random-ass piece of information that you think relates to them personally. Deciding that you like what you see, you decide to swipe right so you can attempt to get some booty. You suddenly realize you’re not on Tinder, you’re on LinkedIn.


This phenomenon has been hitting the country for the past year now. Young student professionals are feeling the icy touch of the business sector invade their pants. It’s called Link-swiping and it’s making things incredibly awkward.


Even though the LinkedIn app has no real swipe mechanic like Tinder, students at the U of M, like Jake Mitty, are feeling the Pavlovian effects of the Link-swiping phenomenon: simply looking at tiny screen with a girl’s face and interests can make one reminiscent of Tinder. Mitty explains how one Friday night he ended up looking for a summer internship on LinkedIn and ended up with a finance assistant from Time Warner in his bed.


“I was looking for anyone I might know who could get me a job this semester. Just scrolling through my ‘connections’ when all of a sudden everything started to run together. The pictures, the hobbies, all the superficial BS. I thought I was on Tinder, and then the next thing I knew; I woke up next to some business woman.”


The story is all too common. Some have even started to enjoy the experience and just like that, a new, weird fetish has evolved.


“I just have to have a guy who’s bilingual. It’s the only thing I like anymore. The more obscure the language, the more turned on I get,” said junior Kaitlyn Rich. As more and more students are confusing the social networking app for Tinder, others are mixing up Tinder for LinkedIn. Students have started to notice the increase in the sending of sexy pictures of resumes instead of junk. Or the confusion of showing up to a date dressed as a sexy secretary when you’re really just interviewing to for a secretary position. The melding of the apps has changed the dating and business worlds dramatically.


Questions like “Does the missionary position come with dental insurance?” or “How am I going to get a letter of recommendation from my ex?” Have been posted on Yahoo! Answers, Facebook, and eHow. It’s to the point where students don’t know how to treat the internet. Is it a sexual playground or job-searching platform? Those unsure have started asking their friends in person or worse yet, simply mailing resumes to future employers.


All of this stems from poor men and women being tricked into “connecting” with the devil’s mobile app, LinkedIn. So be warned folks, the next time you’re trolling on Tinder for some tail and you find a hottie with a power suit (or if you’re on Tinder looking for a job), just remember one thing: it never hurts to be bilingual.


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