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The Only Man Fit To Take Over For President Kaler Is Logan From Big Time Rush

The board that will choose the next University of Minnesota president has been selected and has begun searching for their next candidate. With the departure of President Kaler, the board knows that they have moderately-sized shoes to fill and is frantically searching for the next president who will soon become a disgrace to the entirety of Minnesota due to “unforeseen” previous scandals.

Unless, of course, the board makes the right decision and selects Logan from Big Time Rush as the next leader of our great university.

The boys from Big Time Rush were from Minnesota, which means they are up-to-date on all Minnesota traditions, like eating tater-tot hotdish and sneaking over to the Gay 90s when you told your parents you were studying at the library. 

Logan can unite both the left and the right with all of his political experience, as recorded on hit record, “Worldwide.” In this particular hit, Logan names off the names, “Paris, London, Tokyo,” showing off his international relations expertise,  ideal in dealing with UMN’s huge international student population. In the track, “If I Ruled the World,” Logan promises to break down borders when he shakes the house, a sentiment that could unite our university at a time when whether or not children of illegal immigrants should be admitted to state schools.

In the television show, Big Time Rush, Logan is portrayed as the smart one who keeps the group grounded. Although he played hockey, Logan proves to be the sensible, starting as early as the first season, when he chooses to attend a math lecture on his day off. His day off! If going to school willingly isn’t presidential material, we don’t know what is.

Besides his past, Logan could bring many things to the future of UMN. He would reinvigorate the music program with the help of James; get our hockey team to gold standards with Kendall; and Carlos could keep Katie from pulling her usual shenanigans of planting flat-earthers on campus in order to rile up the student body.

If we want the U to become a BIG TIME university, we should RUSH to the search committee and demand Logan from Big Time Rush as our new leader.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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