In a concerning study, a University of Minnesota survey has discovered that summer classes have interrupted many students’ dedication to their Netflix binges. Seasons of Friends, Orange is the New Black, and The Office have been left unwatched, left for useless summer classes like, American History: World War I & II.
“It’s concerning,” said Carl Regis, the leader of the study, “Kids these days are just too busy being caught up in math and philosophy to really focus in on how much of a dick Chandler is.”
Binge-watching skills needed for the future are being cast aside, as U of M students increasingly devote a majority of their time to burying their faces in textbooks. These books promise students an escape from old sitcoms and original dramas, pumping loads of useless information into their innocent, unknowing skulls.
One such textbook offered “insights into the various complexities of trigonometry,” a skill that hasn’t been used in the everyday life of a normal person since the dawn of time.
“Netflix provides today’s youth with a common set of values and connections,” stated Netflix executive, Richard Goldick, “Once you’ve seen Michael Scott talk about hitting Phyllis with his car, you have a way of working this episode into conversation and can make legitimate connections with other culturally-educated people about how stupid bosses can be.”
Watching shows that everyone is talking about has been linked with job security, friendship, and overall happiness. Unfortunately, today’s youth seem to be frantically trying to pull their shit together when it comes to their academic workload instead of really committing to putting up with Piper’s annoying escapades on Orange is the New Black.
This new, hip phenomenon of ditching Netflix for summer classes has many street names such as: prioritizing, getting-ahead, and saving-money and is becoming increasingly popular as universities continue to raise tuition.
“Typical millennials, getting distracted by every little organic chemistry class,” said retired boat captain, John Troff. “They could never commit to finishing an entire season of Friends, they have to switch to Arrested Development to ‘find themselves’ or some other bullshit.”
Indeed, many students have had trouble identifying with a specific show and get lost in the plentiful nebula that is Netflix. It seems that, in the past, many people could just tune into one of the four channels on television and all watch Cheers.
Now, students must commit themselves to what they think will be the most culturally lucrative series on Netflix.
“I’m having trouble deciding whether to watch to Breaking Bad or Narcos,” exclaimed torn student Brandy Schindel, “They sound so similar and I can’t commit my entire summer to one thing! Its against human nature!”
Despite many millennial’s criticisms, the system remains the same. Netflix is the only way to help students develop socially in this globalized economy. Those having trouble with binge-watching are seemingly out of luck.
However, a drug called Sitonyourass is being developed for students who are having trouble concentrating on their Netflix binge, and could revolutionize millennials’ motivation to finish Breaking Bad.