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T-Hall Residents Cash-In Renting Entire Floor to East Coast Idiots for Super Bowl

The Super Bowl this past weekend apparently brought the city of Minneapolis a shit ton of money (or that’s the lie they tell us to get us to sacrifice our city to Tom Brady wannabes and vicious Eagles fans). However, the private citizens of Minneapolis, especially here at the U, have managed to make a load of cash off this hellish weekend as well.

Apartments on Airbnb were rented out this weekend for ridiculously insane prices. Like, thousands of dollars a night prices. All to go stand out in the freezing, subzero Minnesota winter temperatures and watch a game that only half of the population really understands.

However, residents of the third floor of T-Hall capitalized on this new market and managed to rent out the entire floor of the building for $15,000 a night.

“Some rich prick from the East Coast and all of his stupid friends stayed here for three nights,” spokesperson for the floor, Ricky Jackson, tells The Black Sheep. “And we made a shit ton of money while all sleeping in the lounge on the second floor. Rich people are crazy. I don’t understand them.”

“We would’ve asked for more money if not for the stringent security around all of the student housing,” another resident, Layla Carlson, explains. “We got these annoying emails about how we couldn’t rent rooms or have too many people stay over, and everyone kept checking for our U Cards. But we got our guests around it all without getting caught.”

The students got their sixteen guests around the dorm’s rules and regulations by always accompanying them to and from the building in case of recognition. Along with a system for always having a U Card available for one of their guests’ use, either through shuffling them through the actual students and to the guests or by clever forgery.

“No one really looked at those things,” Jackson says. “The CAs were just as annoyed as us that they had more things to do this week. We got extra drunk the weekend before the Super Bowl just so they would be too exhausted to deal with shit this week. We plan ahead. We don’t plan ahead when it comes to our midterms and research papers or anything stupid like that, but we do where it really counts.”

Miraculously, the group made it through the weekend and saw the rich pricks off to the airport on Monday morning without so much as a raised eyebrow in their direction.

However, it was splitting the bill that caused the most headache when it was all said and done.

Though $15,000 would cover a year’s tuition for a single student, there’s a lot more than a single student who lives on the third floor of T-Hall. Over 150 students actually live there, and when the bill is split between all of them, each student is only going away with about $100.

“Fucking ridiculous,” Carlson says. “Can we blame capitalism for this?”

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