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Top 10 Most Absurd UMN Merchandise

Showing school spirit often involves spending money to advertise the fact that you’ve spent large sums of money attending this particular educational institution. While there are plenty of conventional ways to show school spirit, like wearing branded t-shirts or those strangely popular striped overalls, there are plenty of more creative and downright ridiculous ways to add more maroon and gold into your life.

10.) U of M Snuggie:

snuggieumnNot actually branded as a Snuggie, presumably for legal reasons, but it’s the same idea: a blanket with sleeves. The only way the blanket with sleeves could possibly be improved is by splashing the U of M logo across it. It makes for classy, warm, practical attire for football games and for extremely Minnesotan spooning as well.

9.) Halloween Pumpkin Bucket:pumpkinDo kids want to show their support for the Gophers while trick-or-treating? Well, look no further! This Minnesota-branded pumpkin bucket adds team spirit to any Halloween costume. For added spirit, they can go as a U of M football player. Younger kids can get in on the fun by dressing up as a U of M football.

8.) Angry Birds Plush:

umnplushThis stuffed animal has a lot going on. It’s a character from an infamous game. There’s no saying what made a stuffed-animal designer decide to investigate the intersection of football, Angry Birds, and unnecessary university marketing, but the result is adorably cross-branded.

7.) Nail Polish:nailpolishIt’s probably more expensive than just buying individual bottles of maroon and gold nail polish at Target, but this nail polish set comes in adorable little football helmet-shaped bottles. They’re even emblazoned with the Minnesota block M. They are very obviously worth the extra money.

6.) Xbox Control:umncontrollerYou might ask yourself, “is it worth it?” when you buy a customized U of M XboxOne control for a hefty $99. Then, you pretend that your student loans don’t exist and you think, “yes, yes it is.”

5.) Pasta:

umnpastaThis is for the folks who literally eat, sleep and breathe Gophers. Each maroon-or-gold piece of this pasta is shaped like Goldy Gopher’s face. It will fill you with both team spirit and carbohydrates, guaranteed. Best served on Goldy Gopher dinner plates.

4.) Goldy Mobile:

goldymobileStart conditioning your child to be a Gophers supporter while they’re still in the cradle. This spinning mobile features stuffed effigies of Goldy Gopher, which presumably hypnotize your infant into becoming a die-hard Gophers fan.

3.) Hoodie Pillows:

minpillowHave you ever felt your pillows were lacking Minnesota pride? And/or a hood? That they couldn’t quite represent all the affection you feel for your alma mater? Of course you were. Now for a mere $45 you can get the UMN pillow of your dreams, with a hood, because of course you can.

2.) Garter:

umngarterWant a garter that supports your pantyhose as strongly as you support the Gophers? Then these are the garters for you! They add maroon-and-gold flair to any lingerie set, and can be used to show team spirit in the bedroom. Pair with a Goldy Gopher thong and block M bra for a complete maroon-and-gold lingerie set.

1.) Cowboy Boots:gopherbootsCowboy boots imprinted with Goldy’s image. These make sense because Minnesota is well known for its cowboy culture… wait. No. That’s Texas. Never mind, they don’t make sense. But they exist nonetheless. Thank you, Wal-Mart.

So whether you’re trying spice things up in the kitchen with some school-spirited pasta, or trying to spice things up in the bedroom with your fellow Gopher, obnoxiously branded merch could be the secret ingredient. And if anyone thinks your UMN knick-knack collection is over the top, just shut them up with some customized University of Minnesota duct tape. 


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