As this new wave of former President Coffman hate washes over campus, the Video Game Development Club is in hot water over plans to make a U of MN based dating sim, with Coffman featured prominently as a potential love interest.
“Look, dating sims are just easy to code,” said Club President Alan Eisen. “We’re supposed to be trying to teach people how to make video games here, and without all of that fancy-prancy platforming nonsense, all that’s left is to write torrid love affairs and draw anime-inspired likenesses of famous U faculty to reel in the weirdos. It’s standard business practice for game developers nowadays.”
It seems that the club sorely underestimated the public’s backlash of using a suddenly controversial former president in their game. Coffman’s legacy is under fire after an Andersen archive exhibit hosted last semester showed that he was a touch racist, supporting segregation and surveilling the Jewish and black population on campus during his administration.
“When we started saying ‘Fuck Coffman,’ this isn’t what we had in mind,” said Tracy Steinson, a member of the student assembly seeking to change the name of Coffman Memorial Union. “It baffles me that these introverted, anti-social nerds lacked the social awareness to avoid drawing racists in swimwear.”
According to preliminary design team handouts, the main character, Goldie Gopher, would have had to choose between many notable U faculty as possible lovers during a summer camp outing. Coffman was slated to be the confident, brash hothead with a minor penchant for leering at minorities. This might have caused more tension in the game’s cast if any U faculty were not straight, old white men.
“We understand our mistake in this matter,” said Eisen. “We will scrap the idea and strive to instead make a dating sim on a topic that is less controversial: the Native American genocide that plagues US history.”
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