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10 Christmas Song Lyrics Nobody at Mizzou Wants to Hear Before Finals

No one hates Christmas tunes more than us, with their cheery and oblivious nature; it’s disgusting. We know you all feel the same way too, which is why we’ve compiled this list just for you… the one to steer clear of before Mizzou finals. You’re welcome.

10.) “It’s the best time of the year”:
Bitch, no it ain’t.

9.) “All is calm, all is bright”:
Calm? Who is calm around here? Because it sure isn’t anyone on Mizzou’s campus. You got students sitting at Memorial Union until the freaking Starbucks closes and then moving over to the Student Center just so they can go stock up on energy drinks from Mizzou Market. It’s an anxious cycle from the best and brightest students… who are we kidding? We’re not bright at all.

8.) “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”:
The only nuts around here are the ones your parents are going to crush when you have to tell them you’re coming home with 2 D’s, and one class you’ll have to completely retake. Merry fucking Christmas Mom!

7.) “I don’t care about the presents”:
Uh… bish what? Of course we care about the presents, what do you think we’re going to live off of when we get done mooching off our families for a month? Exactly. Just steal your mom’s Sam’s Club card and go on a little spree (bring on the snack cakes!).

6.) “From now on, all our troubles will be out of sight”:
Mizzou is the farthest school away from staying out of trouble, as most students know first hand. Let alone the individuals who get shit-faced most evenings from Thursday through Saturday. I guess if the slipper fits though… at least we all know we’re right at home here.

5.) “Let it snow”:
Mizzou doesn’t cancel class worth a shit. Hell no, it better not snow. Last year, the sidewalks were so slippery, students had to walk in the grass to get to class or face pure embarrassment for even trying to take the sidewalk. But if it does snow, just skip and go on home (unless you’re from Chicago).

4.) “And comfy cozy are we”:
Even a pair of the fuzziest socks, a Mizzou Snuggie, and the hottest drink at Starbs could make sitting in class for one more hour worth it. But damn, that 2+ hour drive home sounds pretty exhausting too (but then there’s the doggo…).

3.) “Been an angel all year, Santa Baby”:
Not a single one of you liars has been any good this year, let alone come close to being an angel. It’s fine though, go home to your sweet little houses, suck up to Mommy, and max-out Daddy’s credit card this Christmas (like we all have that privilege).

2.) “With those holiday greetings, and gay happy meetings”:
All you assholes who say “happy holidays” to be “inclusive” or whatever need to consider the real reason Christmas even exists, and if you don’t, look it up for God’s ACTUAL sake. Be thankful that your snobby-ass has a month out of class and go have your little gay parties. Just be considerate dammit!

1.) “Baby, it’s cold outside”:
We all are accustomed now to the fact that Missouri has some crappy weather and reminding us with jingly beats and jangly tunes is just plain annoying. The sorority girls already whipped out their MK puffers and Uggs so we’re all aware of the drop in temperature thanks.

No, we’re not sorry; we had to do this. The obnoxious rhythms and harmonious trills are ear splitting and Tigers on this campus deserve better. So why don’t we all just kick it to our normal tunes and go about our merry ways.

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast with Twitter’s @Rad_Milk!

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