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10 Commandments of Mizzou

There are a few unspoken rules that every Tiger at Mizzou should be living by, but we know some of you hooligans have been ignoring them. That is why your Black Sheep team has done you the gracious honor of inscribing the 10 Commandments of Mizzou into this html platform. You’re welcome: 

X.) Thou shalt quell expectations regarding a consistently winning football team:
Yes, we’ve won a few games in a row. Thing is, this is not normal. Calm down before you get disappointed.

IX.) Thou shalt never take Truman’s name in vain:
He dances. He does pushups. He blows kisses. He takes pictures. He does cartwheels. He sprays water. What kind of monster are you if you’re being mean to this tiger?

VIII.) If female, thou shalt scour the party for the highest elevated surface upon which to gyrate provocatively:
Girls on elevated surfaces are a staple of any party. Now, move that body like a cyclone girl and honor your school!

VII.) Thou shalt never make out on the Fieldhouse dance floor:
Only do this if you want everyone to know you are a horny-AF freshman. Otherwise, keep your lips to yourself.

VI.) Thou shalt mourn the wonder that was Dobbs:
Mercilessly plowed to dirt, all that remains of this once sacred place are a few pieces of rubble and signage. If you’re not shedding a tear walking past where Dobbs used to be, you’re not doing it right.

V.) Thou shalt always know and honor the Alma mater:
Sing it with pride no matter how plastered you are!

IV.) Thou shalt regard game days as the holiest of days:
Game days are filled with traditions of tailgates, stumbling around Greek Town, and testing how much alcohol can fit in your body. Don’t be a sinner, get wasted!

III.) Thou shalt come to learn that one’s body deserves better than Natty Light:
Your body is like a temple and Natty Light is like a fire coming to burn it to the ground. Move on to the next cheapest and shittiest beer (Bud Light).

II.) Thou shalt pray for the day Chick-fil-A returns to the Student Center:
Long ago Chick-fil-A set up shop in the Student Center. Hopefully, one-day chicken sandwiches call Mizzou home again. We can almost smell the waffle fries now…

I.) Thou shalt loathe the Jayhawk and avoid his evil temptations:
Giving into the evils of Kansas would be the most horrible sin against Mizzou. If you do, you might as well drop out because we’ve already disowned you.

You knew all of those right? Hindsight’s 20/20… and if you didn’t well we’re glad you brushed up because these are nothing less than sacred and deserve more respect than the preachers at Speaker’s Circle. 

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