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4 Businesses Students Actually Need in the MU Student Center

In a tiny corner of the Student Center there lives an opening where stores come and go. They are super cutesy but lack excitement. Any place with things to buy and waste money on is a good place. But, what would be better? Something much more exciting. The Black Sheep has thought long and hard about the new establishments that should be placed in the little cove of the MU Student Center.

4.) Corner for vending machines:
Not just any vending machines. Liquor vending machines. School is fucking hard, and we need a break. What better way than to drink your problems away. That break up? Drink about it! Don’t have time to eat lunch? Pop right into the corner, grab a tiny bottle of Jack, and go to class to get turnt the hell up for those notes.

3.) Arcade:
Who needs class when you can play pinball for the rest of your life? Why waste money on classes that don’t mean shit? Just waste your money and time in the arcade. What were you going to do after you graduated anyway? Be sad and unemployed? Have a boring ass desk job? No, no, no! That’s not exciting! Play the shit out of those games, and don’t worry about any of that future stuff yet.

2.) Cheap af bookstore:
Seriously. The Mizzou Store just loves to take everyone’s money with books they’ll look at once or maybe even not at all during the semester. This bookstore would be super dope. Some books would be hollowed out and have little surprises in them, like chocolate, or weed, or an ice-cold coke. Whatever you need to get through the day, this bookstore will have it.

1.) Hitman business:
Need to get rid of a nasty, loud, messy roommate? Look no further! Your favorite hitman business has occupied the spot with everyone’s favorite hitman, Samuel L. Jackson. Being in college, you’ve definitely had some terrible run-ins with shit roommates. If you say no, you’re lying or in denial. For every roommate that has left their shit everywhere, left gross dishes in the sink for bugs, come in at 3 a.m. going at it with some rando as loud as they can, and/or not contributed to household costs; poof, they could be gone in a second if you just stop by “Sammy J’s Roommate Away” hole-in-the-wall, and he will take care of it.

From liquor vending machines to a hitman business, the Mizzou Student Center could have it all! No more little boutique with knick-knacks you’ll lose ten minutes after you buy them. Start petitioning for a barcade in the Student Center. That’s the best thing that could happen and definitely something we deserve after every shitty thing Mizzou has thrown at us.

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