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5 New Year’s Resolutions Every Tiger Will Be Failing

Well Tigers, by this time we know most of you have lost hope for your Mizzou New Year’s resolution, but hey, we never thought you’d be able to do it in the first place anyway. Here are 5 resolutions you will most definitely fail:

5.) Stop binge eating at Baja (or Rancho):
No one can resist, right? Quesadillas, nachos, smoothies, it all makes our mouths water after a heavy night of drinking, but 5 times a week man…that’s pushing it. How about we cut it back to 3, max? Yeah, that seems more reasonable (less fattening?). 

4.) Try not to get weirded out by normal amounts of eye contact:
We know you’re glued to your phone’s (reading this article of course), but if you just so happen to look up for a hair to interact with the world around you, we promise a small amount of human eye contact will not kill you.


3.) Appreciate the teacher who x-nays the use of cell phones & laptops in class:
Yeah it’s a bitch, but we’re paying to sit in a class and attempt to learn. When it comes down to it, we’re paying a ridiculous amount of money for each day’s worth of class we’re going to, and it’s pretty much impossible to pay any attention when we’re busy watching cat videos. So, get off the damn devices!


2.) Promise to start calling ‘Big 12’ by its real name… :
It’s Campus Bar & Grill in case you guys forgot. We’re not judging because we do it too. Let’s try a little harder this year to actually get it right and maybe not confuse so many freshmen that don’t know what the hell we’re talking about when they try to type ‘Big 12’ in Google Maps.


1.) The most obvious… actually go to the Rec! (just once even):
You might piss off all the other gym rats that are regulars, but you need to get the most out of that $140 Rec fee. You may not know which way to turn your ID when coming in and out, and you may have no clue where the pool entrance is (because that’s what everybody goes for right?), but hey, at least try this year.

May your new year be filled with the possibility of getting A’s and fewer drinks than last year (ha!). We know you can only take so much change for one year, but come on, college is meant for us to adult. Let’s see if us “adults” can make the news less this year huh? Can that be a campus-wide New Year’s resolution?


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