With Snapchat Maps, you can now pretty much see where anyone is at any time (creepy, we know). It’s fun to see someone’s little Bitmoji next to another person you know. However, sometimes you don’t want to see your main squeeze at Main Squeeze with the wrong crowd. Here are some of the worst-case situations you definitely don’t want to see when you open up Mizzou Snap Maps.
5.) Your best friends at The FieldHouse (without you):What the hell? You texted the group chat a couple of hours ago, and they said they didn’t want to go out tonight. Now, just a few hours later, they’re hitting the bars while you’re stuck at your place watching their stories and binge-watching Narcos.
4.) Michael Porter and his dad at University Hospital:We at The Black Sheep do not want to be responsible for any jinxes what so ever. However, if you see Michael Porter and his father at the hospital, just know that it’s all over. You will probably receive an email shortly saying classes have been canceled until further notice. Flags will probably be at half mast. If Michael Porter is injured, we at Mizzou are doomed.
3.) Drew Lock and Barry Odom anywhere other than Faurot Field:After week one, expectations were high. Now it feels like the season is already over before it’s halfway done. These two need to figure this whole football thing out, or fans are going to keep leaving before halftime (or not even showing up, reference the Auburn game). Saturdays will no longer be known as game day but will be more like everyone park together around Faurot and get shit-faced day. These two had better be there 24/7, seven days a week, until we win another game.
2.) Hacky Sack Guy and his lawyer at The Columbia Police Department:We don’t even know what he’d be doing there, but we know he didn’t do it. Hackie Sack Guy brings joy to tens of thousands of Mizzou students every day, and he could not possibly be responsible for a crime of any sort besides hackying too much. We do not know what kind of wacky hacky sacking high jinx he got himself into, but there’s no way Hacky Sack Guy would hurt a soul.
1.) Your ex-girlfriend and J’den Cox at her apartment at 3 AM:You’ve got to be kidding. What does J’den Cox have that you don’t? Besides being in shape, having an amazing singing voice, and a bronze fucking medal, you two are practically the same guy. They’re probably just talking, she couldn’t possibly see anything in a guy like him. Right? And when the hell did you get J’den Cox on Snapchat?
These are worse case scenarios, but hopefully, they never happen. Other than that, the Snap Map is a really cool tool that lets you see who’s just chillin’ (Netflix not required) with who. But seriously, knock on wood that Michael Porter has a healthy season. We cannot afford to have him miss any time out on the court.