We’re baaaack, or rather, like most of you shitshows, never left CoMo. You also probably have to take summer classes because let’s face it, you went too hard freshman year, and now you suck and are behind. Fear not, losers! We here at The Black Sheep have compiled a few places for you to take those dreaded online classes while momentarily curing your crippling loneliness.
5.) The Columns:
Hear us out – lush, green grass and nature! Damn, now we just sound like we’re narrating Planet Earth. Never mind. Taking classes at the columns is a fun way to get impressive amounts of sweat dripping down your face from the humidity. Have we mentioned it’s hotter than parental disappointment down here?
4.) The statue of Thomas Jefferson:
Can we take a moment to appreciate how Mizzou erected a statue of Thomas Jefferson on a bench and left a spot open for people to sit next to him? This spot was made for doing your history homework. From far away, people might actually believe you’re sitting next to a real person! Until his bronze essence blinds them from miles away.
Sitting outside when this place isn’t filled with wannabe 21 year olds is nice, but having to participate in a discussion on history of the 1800s makes it less nice. The comfort of looking at the vague puke stain on the wall from that hazy night in October might work well enough, though. Also, this might be one of the only times when it’s acceptable to drink in class. Take a tequila shot – or ten – for us Tigers. It’s about to be a long summer.
2.) The steps of a frat house:
The memories of dragging a friend through Greektown after drinking two beers and doing a Jell-O shot will always bring a smile to your face. Or was it Leslie you dragged through Greektown? Kelsy? Katy? Shit, you’re a mess, and you still have two chapters left to read.
1.) That hallway filled with animal heads:
These stuffed animal heads have always kept you company while walking through the agriculture building. Why can’t they lend the same support during class this summer? The collection is pretty impressive, but seeking out dead animals to help you study is concerning.
If working in these places doesn’t cure your loneliness, you can always adopt a pet and then give it away in three months when the responsibility becomes too much! Happy summer CoMo, try not to melt.