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5 Reasons Missouri State Will Always Be Sloppy Seconds to Mizzou

It’s no secret that Missouri State is the watered down, lamer, beta-male of the University of Missouri. Missouri State is the girl you hit with the “U up?” text at 3 a.m. after you’ve left her on read all day. While it may seem the inferiority of MSU is rather obvious in comparison to MU, here are five reasons proving it from your squad at The Black Sheep if you’re not convinced yet.

5.) They have the highest STD rate out of any other school in Missouri:
Yep, it’s true. If you don’t want your dick to turn black and fall off, or have your ovaries become infertile as fuck, stay as far away from this place as you can.

4.) Roy “Fat” Blunt is an alumnus of MSU:
Even though we’d definitely smoke a jay with him, the Missouri senator has an eerie resemblance to Batman’s arch-nemesis, The Joker. That’d trip us out a little too hard if we were blasted off some dank kush, so we’re ruling them out once again.

3.) Their football team blows:
If last weekend didn’t prove anything to you, the ass whooping we gave them on the gridiron should be embarrassment enough to be exiled from the state of Missouri anyway. When your defense allows a basketball score to be put up on them, you should maybe consider never playing football again, just maybe.

2.) MSU’s city is named after The Simpsons:
Nothing wrong with The Simpsons, but the city’s founders were apparently super fans of the show and named the city after their favorite animated comedy. In fact, MSU’s mascot was almost Krusty the Clown. Could you imagine? Talk about derivative.

1.) All Springfield is known for is their Throwed Rolls: 
Home of grammatically incorrect carbohydrates, Throwed Rolls, we like to think Columbia has a bit more class than Springfield’s catalyst to most food fights. We have Sparky’s and Shakespeare’s and to us, those most certainly speak for themselves.

Let’s face it; it’s pretty difficult to top Mizzou with all our glory, lit-ness, and history (emphasis on lit-ness). MSU has lived in the shadow of Mizzou for over a century now, considering their jank-asses stole the name MSU from us in the first place, and that shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. 

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