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5 Things Underclassmen Think Go on at Piano Bar

The Piano Bar is a very popular establishment among upperclassmen and a mysterious place to those who are not worthy. To underclassmen, the bar is like the promised land, nowhere to go but up from there. While the underclassmen watch from the outside like a child waits at the window looking at the toy they desire most, upperclassmen are getting shwifty with their hundreds of closest friends. These poor underclassmen are stuck wondering what life at The Penguin Piano Bar is like. The staff at The Black Sheep have rounded up some of the things underclassmen think really go on at Piano.

5.) Every hour “Piano Man” plays:
They think that at the top of every hour Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” plays… it may be called the Piano Bar, but do you really think that would happen? Do you know how fucking annoying that would be? The bar would lose hella business if they played that song every hour every night. Silly silly underclassmen.

4.) The Penguin and Piano Bar are two different bars:
The name of the bar is a bit confusing, is it the Piano Bar or the Penguin? People call it both, which doesn’t help. It sounds like it could either be a bar for the villain in Batman or a bar for senior citizens.

3.) It’s a jazz club:
Truly, Piano is far from a jazz club. People think that upperclassmen go there to live out their La La Land fantasies. Instead, as they walk in the door whistling “Another Day of Sun,'” some wasted college prick will vomit all over their oxfords while “In Da Club” by 50 Cent plays in the background. How’s that for a jazz club?

2.) It’s for sophisticated people only:
Only the highest of the high on the totem pole are allowed in. Only people who wear suits and have big people jobs can enjoy a night at Piano. That’s 100% bullshit. Now that Piano is connected to Roxy’s you can finesse your way into Piano more easily. But be careful, don’t let your trash show, people can’t know that you were just grinding on randos at that dirty shithole.

1.) There’s no actual piano:
Who would’ve thought that a bar with the name Piano in it would have an actual piano on the inside! No shit it has a piano. And the cool part is, people can go up and play on it, that’s usually when “Piano Man” gets played tbh. But at least it’s not every hour, just when everyone is blasted.

Now that you know some of the things that actually happen at Piano, you will think less highly of it. It’s really just a bar that is better about carding. Unlike the other bars that knowingly let underage shit heads in, they care about their reputation. So next time you walk the streets of downtown CoMo, don’t worry too much about not being able to get in, just remember that you can either get in someday or just go through Roxy’s.


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