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8 Ways You Helped Mizzou Get to the Texas Bowl

Well, it’s not every year that Mizzou football pulls out a bowl game… especially not a year with such a shitty start. But if there’s one thing Mizzou fans and students know best it’s that we never end up with the best bowl (like ever). But we’re not holding that against you guys. Honestly, we attribute most of their wins to you, and here’s how you personally helped get Mizzou to the 2017 Texas Bowl. 

8.) Being more low-key on social media:
Y’all are usually firing straight heat at players, coaches, (the typical KU fan), and whoever questions your God-given authority over all things MU sports… but you kept it on lock these past few weeks and we sincerely salute you for being on your best behavior.

7.) Actually attending more games:
At the beginning of the season (with nice fucking weather even), the stands were looking a bit light. But sure enough, when the winning streak started, you all showed out! Congrats now you’re just decent freaking fans.

6.) Getting Coach Odom fired up:
Whether for the worst (calling out all high school tweeters) or the better… you managed to get this guy’s head out of his ass and we thank you for that. See you for five more years Coach Odom; don’t suck so badly next year!

5.) Not leaking any bad press on players:
We know y’all come slinging dirt around like it’s a damn TMZ set around here or something and whether the players were on their best behaviors this year so good ol’ St. Nick would bring them the gift of a bowl game, we don’t know… but bless your hearts.

4.) Doing everything possible to watch televised games:
For some reason, the local and EVERY sports station recently just has it out for Mizzou fans and their neediness to watch the Tigers play on television. No worries though… the bars were packed this year with unusually high amounts of drunk people trying to get an eye on the screen. So the comradery continues.

3.) Bribing new recruits:
We don’t know what you gave them, or how much you game them but we don’t even care. Yea, so Mizzou’s in the SEC, but we haven’t been good in here long enough to be on these top recruits’ “just maybe” lists even in the slightest. Praise be to bribers.

2.) Trying to keep Drew Lock here:
Okay so he’s good, we know. But do you really think a player from Mizzou is going to get drafted before he gets his shitty piece of paper declaring a “general” degree? We highly doubt it. But we appreciate your avid requests to keep him here so we can use his arm a bit longer.

1.) Not flipping out when assistant coaches leave:
Tf? Just when Mizzou football starts knocking out coaching positions left and right and our very own take it upon themselves to leave… what is this madness? Traitors. We’re not sure why y’all didn’t flip a lid because we’re over here trying not to Hulk smash a table. Good work guys!

All’s well that ends well, we guess. There’s not much more our Missouri football team can ask for this year (wish for the same thing next year!). Santa done good, but if it wasn’t for you fans… we’re not sure where this team would be now. See y’all in Texas!

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast with Twitter’s @Rad_Milk!

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