With the semester slowly coming to a close, MU students are giving fewer shits than ever. Here at The Black Sheep, we want to make sure everyone gets more than a lump of coal in their stocking this Christmas. With Santa making a list and checking it twice, it’s about time some of you Tigers to clean up your act. Avoid doing these things and you won’t end up on the Mizzou naughty list:
9.) Stealing other people’s laundry:
Really? REALLY? Was it absolutely necessary that you steal a lacy thong from washer #14? You are the lowest of the low. We hope someone takes your wet clothes out of the washer and throws them on the ground.
8.) Wearing pajamas to class:
You know where you wear pajamas? To sleep. You know where you don’t wear pajamas? Anywhere else. Don’t be that asshole.
7.) Cutting people off on your skateboard:
While we can’t speak for the entire student body, we don’t like to feel like we’re about to get our heads cut off from second-hand skateboard whiplash on the way to class. Roll on over to the half-pipe where you belong!
6.) Falling asleep in your own puke:
This one is just sad. We hope you like picking crusty vomit out of your hair the next morning.
5.) Lying about your GPA:
If you’re an idiot, own it. Stupid people can go far (far away).
4.) Shacking with one girl and then shacking with her roommate:
This is just not a good look for you bud. Once these hoes get over your shitty-ass, we guarantee they will gossip about sexual shortcomings.
3.) Going to your 8 a.m. still high from the night before:
Oh no! Looks like someone doesn’t know their limits. You sitting in the back of the classroom looking down isn’t fooling anyone. Invest in some eye drops, dumbass.
2.) Drinking moderately:
Are we here to do anything else? C’s get degrees, right?
1.) Vomiting on your floor after a drunken night and leaving it:
You. Are. Trash. This deserves the number one spot on the naughty list. Seriously, get your shit together.
Hopefully, now all you delinquents know better. Don’t let Santa catch any of you Tigers guilty of being a shitty person (or puking)!