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5 Illegal Benefits Mizzou Should Offer Its New Basketball Recruits

With the FBI report on the several NCAA programs that have been caught paying players (KU was named on the report, to nobody’s surprise), many programs will certainly be in a lot of trouble in the future. Mizzou thankfully was not on the report, but if we want to ever get on the level of Duke or Arizona, we might have to start doing some shady business. The Black Sheep came up with a few things that Coach Martin and his staff could possibly use to get some recruits down to CoMo.

5.) Strippers:
While Columbia might not have the level of strippers they over at Louisville, Rumors Cabaret is not a place that should be slept on. If Cuonzo were to bring a couple of high school seniors in there, he could probably get at lease a handful of commits. If this works, maybe one day Mizzou could be lucky enough to be forced to take down a championship banner. Who doesn’t love a nice stripper?

4.) Hire a recruit’s father as an assistant coach:
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

3.) Free tuition:
Look, maybe we can’t pay these players in cash, but how about we just take care of their tuition, books, housing…just basically pay for their college? A free education would get just about any student to come to a college. We will have to check with the NCAA to see if this is even legal.

2.) Swipes on swipes on swipes:
Let’s face it: swipes are the currency at Mizzou. “Hey, you got any swipes left?” or “Could you swipe me in?” Now, maybe we can’t pay you in cash, but we don’t think anybody at Mizzou would say anything if you charged a couple of dollars for a swipe or two…

1.) Mizzou store credit:
The FBI report said that Deandre Ayton of Arizona received $100,000. Now, Mizzou probably can’t give out that much in cash, but maybe we could let a recruit have $100,000 on a gift card to the store in the Student Center. With that much money, you could get two Nike Hoodies, and three pairs of Nike Sweatpants, and you would still have to pay some. 

We’re just saying, if everybody else is paying recruits, then maybe Mizzou should get in on some of the action. We might not get so lucky next time that the No. 1 ranked recruit in the nation happened to be raised in Columbia and had their whole family come to Mizzou. That doesn’t just happen every day, unfortunately.


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