The normal feelings of disappointment and hopelessness were heightened on campus when Mizzou decided to ban vaping. We were honestly surprised #ripjuuls wasn’t trending on Twitter. What is a nicotine addicted college kid supposed to do when their only stress reliever was just ripped away from them? Go to therapy? Nah. Don’t worry, though, Tigers! We admire your strange obsession with your adult pacifiers so much that we hunted down a self-proclaimed Juul king to unlock the best places to (secretly) juul on Mizzou campus.
5.) Ellis Library:
First of all, anyone who claims to never have gotten lost in this giant maze of horror is a damn liar. The elevator opens on both sides, and you don’t really know if you are floor 4A or floor 4B. Somehow you find yourself in the engineering building across campus, and you aren’t even sure how that is possible. In all of that confusion, no one is going to notice or care when they smell your mint pod fire up.
4.) Speaker’s Circle:
Loophole alert. Speaker’s circle is technically public ground because some boring law says so. Welcome to your safe haven, children. We dare someone to create a cloud big enough to carry Pastor Ryan/Brian/Mark whatshisname literally anywhere but here. Also remember to be courteous to hacky-sack man and let him take a hit.
3.) The Columns:
Why would we pick a generic place in the middle of campus where everyone goes? Glad your nicotine-riddled brains asked! There’s a rumor going around that you can still see the columns smoking from the 1892 fire. We admit we started the rumor, and the “smoke” is just your asses juuling. Basically, you’re welcome.
2.) The roof of Jesse Hall:
The view! The peace! The nervousness of being so close to so many birds! It’s a Mizzou tradition to climb the roof of Jesse Hall and potentially get arrested for trespassing, so why wouldn’t we recommend it? Let your juul clouds become with the sky, Tigers. We’re not sure how to exactly get up there but in the wise words of Miley Cyrus, “It’s the cliiiimb.”
1.) Pickard Hall:
This beautiful, brick building conveniently located in the heart of campus is FILLED WITH RADIATION. No, seriously, it really is. Hence why it’s always under construction. Shout out to 1960s chemistry! If you are a true Juul king, this is the perfect place to spew mango fumes to the world. You will walk out a health hazard, but according to Mizzou, you and your USB port already are.
We hope this list helped all of you juul kings and queens recover your crowns. There is nothing more sad than being dethroned at the only thing you’re good at. We wouldn’t know, but hey, we’re trying to be relatable. Juul on, Tigers.
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