There’s nothing like bloody good cocktails around the most festive season of the year. What we sometimes forget though is why we drink in the first place. Now we know you Mizzou students have been working hard this semester and just need to take the edge off; that’s okay. That’s why The Black Sheep has a few Mizzou-specific cocktails we think you might enjoy.
7.) BLOODY get me tf out of this class, MARY:
There’s always that bitch that sits next to you when you take the 2nd seat in off the aisle, and chances are her name is Mary because what normal-named person would break social norms like that? (We know here at Mizzou this thing is normal but just NO!) If that’s the case, she can catch these hands cause people need space and crowding them so close to the end of the semester is just asking for trouble. Watch your back homegirl!
6.) MARTINi I hate you and your stupid pedo stache:
You know that teacher who just creeps you the fuck out? No matter what he says or does, it just comes off cringe-worthy and makes you uncomfy. Before break, he just sounds even more annoying and like nothing he says is of relevance. This guy just needs to stfu. But lucky for you, you don’t have to see him for a whole week! Praise Truman!
5.) MAN… HATTEN I better study tonight?:
No you better HATTEN’t. It’s Thanksgiving break, who gives a shit at this point? Just let Canvas predict what you need to get on the final… oh, is that, a 98%?
4.) Beware, my parent’s are OLD FASHIONED:
We can’t all have chill parents. It just wouldn’t fit the general plotline from every movie ever. Sorry, but some people gotta suffer so others may thrive. That being said, at least warn your partner before you bring them home; don’t just let them walk into a shit-show.
3.) Well aren’t you a real SOUR-puss Susan?:
It’s that time of year, which means stakes are high, failures are high, break-ups are high, and your brother is probably high; whatever the case, just sit back, relax and grab yourself an Amaretto SOUR and take it all in like watching the good ol’ National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
2.) If I drink anyMO, just JIT me in the head… O:
The play on words is shitty, yes but the advice is solid. Drunkies, why don’t you detox a little, before you go home and shove your pie-hole with more carbs and saturated fats than your body knows where to store (love-handles are only cute on celebs). Mizzou frat daddies don’t have any problem beating up on each other, except usually it involves the combo of alcohol.
1.) What did you think I MINT, JULEan?:
Because anxiety is increasing with each day until the nap you take after dinner, sometimes words fly out of your mouth, up the wall, and way overboard. There are those cute little innocent girls who immediately cover their mouths and apologize, and those psycho bitches who really just save all their pent-up aggression for the last months of the year to just let you have it. She’s not sorry; she means it!
You ready for a drink yet? If not, at least maybe you’ll check your attitudes before you go chucking ornaments and dumping drinks on shitty professors and even worse peers. Grab a piece of turkey and shove it because we’re all on the same Mayflower. And for Truman’s sake, drink up.