It’s just never a good idea to partake in the most embarrassing trot of your entire college career. We’ve seen you on your way to your 8 a.m. classes on Fridays. We know your hair and make-up look like the spawn of Satan’s Barbie Dolls. And sure, oversized t-shirts are cute, but not when their being used to try to cover some girls phat ass. Do YOU want to avoid looking and feeling like a zoo animal? If you absolutely must trek on your Missouri walk of shame, go at these times.
6.) 10:30 a.m.:
Think about it: class starts at 10 a.m. and doesn’t end til about 10:50 a.m. That gives you a solid 10-15 minutes to move your hiney as fast as it’ll go across campus to whatever apartment complex you live in – or res hall, you drunk.
5.) 3 a.m.:
By this point, the bars have stopped serving alcohol, people have trickled to their cars and mozied over to their fast food joints or simply passed out in an Uber – that means your safe and sound. So go for it honey!
4.) 10 p.m.:
Just leave. And if you’re that adamant about some dude, hit it and quit it, girl, then bolt tf out of there. You’re probably better off that way!
3.) 5:12 a.m.:
If you haven’t fallen asleep because you’re too afraid of what might happen to you, or you simply did not get hammered enough, you might just want to hike it on home at this hour because the gym rats are just crawling out of bed and everyone else in their right mind is still asleep. This one’s a good call.
2.) 4 p.m.:
If it’s 4 p.m. and you still haven’t left yet, you’re either a keeper, too drunk to be even partially coherent or this dude doesn’t even realize you exist. Either way, no one cares what you’re doing at this hour so just do everyone a favor and get to a friends so you can take a damn shower.
1.) 1:43 a.m.:
The bars have just stopped serving, most are eating, and if you got rejected that means you probably ended up at a frat and you’re past feeling it… and if you haven’t gotten the D by now, it’s not going to happen. Go home dumbass.
Welp, don’t say we didn’t warn you! If you get gawked out now, it’s really out of your own stupidity and, frankly, The Black Sheep doesn’t pity you.
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