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6 Revolutionary Ways Mizzou Football Can Get Back on Top

With recent bounds of success Mizzou men’s basketball has been feeling with all the offseason power moves, it’s easy to forget about the current state of Mizzou football. Finishing dead last in the SEC East following the 2016-2017 season, there’s plenty of work to be done to save ourselves from drowning in a landfill full of interceptions, fumbles, and dropped passes. After months and months of analyzing game film, your Black Sheep team has finally compiled an in-depth, strategic list of how the Tigers can bounce back to the top without fail come fall.

6.) Score More Touchdowns:

A criminally underrated aspect of the game that is forgotten about too much. Touchdowns are a vital component to any victory, and Mizzou’s offense has seemed to have lost sight of that a la Ray Charles. However, the end is not nigh as long as the Tigers get more yards towards the opponent’s zone, a tactic which isn’t used nearly enough.

5.) Have the Defense Stop the Offense by Any Means Necessary:

Another commonly overlooked aspect of football, the big guys must tackle the smaller guys more often. Going for the legs and running the risk of tearing someone’s ACL is perfectly fine if the game is on the line, as the SEC is a take-no-prisoners battleground. These guys know what they signed up for, and giving a few low blows and late hits when the ref isn’t looking is par for the course.

4.) Bringing Back Maty Mauk:

As long as the ’86 Mets are still immortalized in baseball lore for their coked up, pill-popping, womanizing ways that eventually led to a World Series ring that year, there’s no reason why Maty Mauk shouldn’t be given a second chance. It’s a double-standard that leaves the Willy Wonka of nose candy held hostage by the Eastern Kentucky Colonels, the only team in the NCAA named after a fried chicken fast food chain. Let’s do the man a favor and put him out of his misery.

3.) Make More Field Goals:

Kickers don’t get enough love despite having a thankless job. If they make kicks, good for them, they’ve dodged death threats for another day. But, if they miss kicks, they automatically become the people to blame if the team loses. However, if you’re bad enough, you might get a letter from ex-President George W. Bush, something that happened to former Alabama kicker Cade Foster after the 2013 Iron Bowl where he missed all three attempts in the famed ‘Kick Six’ game. In other words Mizzou, make more, miss less.

2.) Run the Ball into the End Zone:

Passing the ball isn’t always the answer; just ask Russell Wilson or Marshawn Lynch about their last Super Bowl. Drew Lock had mixed results with finding open receivers last season, so at least there’s an under the table strategy that could very well be a saving grace for Mizzou’s offense next year: Running the ball. Let the running back do your job for you Drew, and the wins will come to you.

1.) Get More Points than the Other Team:

A strategy which wasn’t used too much last season, it could certainly make the difference once the next season rolls around. One would think it was a trick play with how little this happened last season, but it’s most definitely a page in the playbook. Let’s never forget that Kansas football fans rushed the field when this happened for the first time in two years last season after fifteen straight losses. The odds of it happening again next season? About the same as finding an actual Jayhawk.


Like booze before noon? So do these guys…

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