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5 Reasons Why the Mizzou Men’s Basketball Team is Cursed

It’s so frustrating to watch your team play when you know it’s cursed. After all the hype that Mizzou had, it was inevitable that it would all come crashing down harder than you after a three-day adderall bender. Here are our reasons why we think Mizzou men’s basketball team is a goddamn curse. 

5.) They haven’t not won a tournament game since 2010:
Mizzou basketball never fails to please the fans when it comes to first-round disappointments. The last time Mizzou won a game during March Madness, the iPhone 3GS was the newest Apple phone. In 2012 we lost to Norfolk State as the No. 2 seed, and six years later we’re still asking: What the fuck is a Norfolk State? To cap off the misery, we lose to Florida State by 13 in the first round. But really, are we that shocked?

4.) Player transfers:
What the fuck is so bad about Mizzou? It’s got good academics, a decent sports programs, and a good party scene. So why the hell do players run away like they have seen a ghost? One notable Tiger transfer was guard Blake Harris who spent a hell of a lot more time at 10 Below than he did on the court. A good talent but was potentially the softest kid to ever wear a Mizzou jersey, considering he abandoned the team during the middle of the season. What the hell do we have to do to make recruits stay for more than a year or two?

3.) Injuries:
All summer talking about how great of a season MPJ is going to have in a Tiger uniform, all for nothing. MPJ getting injured in the first game of the year might actually be the least-shocking news for us. What other fucking school would this happen to? Not to mention Cullen Vanleer tearing his ACL–does anyone else have an ACL they can donate? Can’t catch a fucking break.

2.) MUPD:
Is there a bigger rivalry on campus than Mizzou athletes versus the campus police? It seems like every year another one of our players is getting cuffed and letting the team down. It is classic Mizzou to finally make the tournament after five years, and for one of the players to get a DUI in his senior season a week before the first round. We really could have used Jordan Barnett during that shit show of a game on Friday, but nope—a DUI just had to happen at the worst possible time. Thanks MUPD! 

1.) Title IX:
You’d think that with two of our guards transfering to different schools, and MPJ getting hurt, that nothing could possibly get worse. Well, that’s where you’re fucking wrong, and Terrence Phillips gets suspended for a Title IX investigation. Why the fuck does this only happen to us? What the fuck did we do to deserve this?

The only way to get over this list is to crack open a beer and forget about how cursed Mizzou men’s basketball is, and the fact that things will maybe (probably) get worse for us. Didn’t you see the women’s team? 


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