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4 Reasons Why Mizzou Parking Is The Hottest Mess

What better greeting from the great ole’ University of Missouri than to completely screw over everyone with parking? With a decline in enrollment, the Mizzou parking lords have decided that fewer students should mean even less available parking. As if Columbia isn’t a cluster fuck at the moment anyway, why not add parking gone wild to the list! 

4.) Mizzou parking website:
A lot of wise guys decided to snipe some great ass parking spaces when the Mizzou Parking portal accidentally opened two hours early. We don’t blame you, we loathe you. But, in classic Mizzou fashion, when staff caught the website had opened early, they closed it and all those people lost those passes. When the website re-opened, it crashed, and all spots on campus were gone. No spot for you, for you, or you!

3.) Less Parking Spots:
Whose idea was it to cut back on a number of spots used for parking? Shit, parking around campus is already a fiasco. “Oh, we have to save money.” Bish what? They just spent who-knows-how-much on remodeling the Starbucks in Memorial. Does it really matter what if it looks nice when we’re still going to have to wait in a line out the door? Hmm, maybe people would’ve paid extra to use those parking spots they took away.

2.) Meters On Campus:
Rumor has it that meters on campus are now going to be one dollar an hour. They take every penny we have and then raise the prices on meters? Don’t they realize we’re broke? And the hours of operation? Don’t get us started.

1.) The Barnacle:
The Barnacle, a giant, ugly ass, yellow suitcase of a suction cup that goes on the driver side of your windshield if you don’t pay your parking tickets. Students have the option to just not pay their tickets and after a “while” of not paying it (cause who needs specificity?), it will just be tacked onto their tuition payments in MyZou. But still, that thing is ungodly large and so embarrassing, so don’t be that guy.

If you have a parking pass, sweet shit for you man, you don’t have to worry about a thing. If you don’t have a parking pass, good fucking luck, and stock up on your change. You’re going to need all the help you can get to avoid the witch of a parking-meter lady all semester long.


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