The season of all things mushy-gushy and heartbreaks galore is right around the corner, but that doesn’t mean we all have to go crazy like a bunch of wild animals. If you’re really that desperate, you might want to head over to Francis Quad, find the Engineering Shamrock, and step on it. Don’t know what you’re supposed to do next? Let us guide you.
Step 1.) Jump around:
You just made the first step in the direction of cupid and his bow and arrows…you do that happy dance, boo. You deserve it!
Step 2.) Call mom:
Only moms really know what to do next in times of distress and anxiety. Call your momma! She wants to hear how her baby is striking out on Tinder and, for unsaid reasons, is too embarrassed to step foot into Big 12 again.
Step 3.) Get a new doo:
Welp, mom said it best. When making a drastic change in one’s life… your appearance must follow. Head over to a downtown salon, like Blanc Studio, and get that new doo did. The honeys will start rolling in!
Step 4.) Flaunt your shit:
You have nothing to lose at this point! You danced in public, cried to your mom and look like a completely different person. Go for that dime bitty then slowly degrade your standards from there when they obviously shoot you down.
Step 5.) Get ready for Mr./Mrs. Engineer to fall into your lap:
Now, Tiger, all you have to do is wait.
Well, you don’t have to thank us — you took the first step to greatness. Don’t take your new genius for granted though, because while they know how to build shit and you’re going to end up married, nothing’s going to stop them from building a wall between you and them (except for you). And don’t forget to revisit the shamrock over homecoming.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: