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Shit Mizzou Upperclassmen Are Just Too Old For

Once you get into college you feel like you’re too old to do the shit you were doing literally 3 months ago. You don’t have any energy left to get into sketchy shenanigans. If you aren’t at this part of life yet, it’s coming… but until then, the staff at The Black Sheep has compiled a list of all the shit Mizzou upperclassmen are just too old for, and if you’ve got more than 60 credit-hours under your belt, you SHOULD know what we mean.

9.) Waking up at noon still drunk from the night before:
If you’re still doing that, you lead a sad, sad life friend. Sounds like you need help because you’re probably a borderline alcoholic too.

8.) Retaking college algebra:
Seriously. It’s college algebra, that class is offered in high school. Get a grip on your shit it’s not a hard class.

7.) Going to FieldHouse and witnessing the sea of underage toddlers:
Nothing says “I peaked in high school and can’t let go” like going to FieldHouse. Out of all the bars in Columbia, you pick that one? Grow up.

6.) Posting slutty pictures on Instagram:
You’re at the point in life where you need to get a big kid job, so no more being an attention whore on social media. Why don’t you take advantage of the Student Success Center’s LinkedIn photo-day instead?

5.) Shot-gunning a beer at 8 a.m. before class:
Good God, who is ever ready for that one? You must really hate life if you’re doing that. You’ve got some other issues here to deal with other than just being old. 

4.) Streaking through the Quad:
That Mizzou 22 really turned into looking like you ate a whole person. It’s in your best interest to not go anywhere naked.

3.) Caring about Greek events:
At a certain point, Greek events are white noise, and they make shit up like “Kindness Week.” Like they only need to be nice to people for a week and they don’t have to be nice ever again. Just block that fuckery out.

2.) Eating at the dining halls:
You have a job and are making your own money (even though it’s not much). Don’t be lazy and try to “relive the glory days.” Go to the store and cook your own damn meals like an “adult.”

1.) Getting lit and going to the Midnight BBQ:
If you’re anything above a freshman, you have n0 reason to go to this event. You’re most likely 21 or if not you have a fake. Go out on the town instead you fucking creep.

The list goes on and on and will only get longer as you grow older here at Mizzou. So strap on your big-boy boots because you’ll be saying “I’m too old for that shit” more times than you think.

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