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A Guide to a St. Patty’s CoMo Bar Crawl That Will Knock You on Your Ass

It’s that time of year where green beer comes out, and later comes back up at 2 a.m. with the El Rancho nachos that you barely remember ordering. St. Patty’s Day is an excuse to be an obnoxious alcoholic for 24 hours, and the best part about it this year is that it falls on a Saturday, which means you can get your buzz going strong much earlier than what’s socially acceptable on the weekdays. Let us here at The Black Sheep be your hammered tour guides on the moves you need to make this weekend, and your journey to a CoMo pub crawl-level of drunkenness will be smooth sailing.

5.) Silverball – The pre-pregame:
$3 all-day frozen drinks is a deal you can’t pass up. Picture Trops, but with heavier pours and arcade machines where you can wax someone’s ass in air hockey, or impress a Tinder date with your Mario Kart skills. Dance Dance Revolution might not be choice though, as having a stomach full of sugary booze and epileptic dancing might lead to you puking and rallying faster than expected. Besides, don’t be that try-hard who goes ham on DDR. 

4.) Shotbar – The pregame:
Right up the street is a short but very necessary stop. Shotbar is like that clutch friend of yours who always has weed on them and never says no to a quick smoke sesh. Have a few kamikaze shots, but tread lightly with anything else beyond that. Don’t listen to the devil on your shoulder tempting you to try the absinthe shot. Coming from experience, we can promise that it’s not the real shit and won’t make you trip balls. It just tastes like mint and bad decisions.

3.) Harpo’s – The main event:
Ding ding ding! Now’s your cue to get the juices flowing, and by juices, we mean numerous beers and enough mixed drinks to make you forget your debit card on the way out. It’s not Two Dollar Tuesday, so you probably won’t see your ex there, but it’s been statistically proven that you will more than likely seen an old fuck buddy or three that you ghosted way back when. We encourage you to not engage in conversation with them, but worst scenario, play nice and don’t piss them off. They more than likely still have dick pics or boob shots of yours, so proceed with caution.

2.) 10 Below – The afterparty
By now, things are probably getting a bit blurry and seeing double is making the bar look a little more crowded. It’s your time to shine and thrive in 10 Below, a place where if the walls could talk, half of campus would be sent straight to hell. The good news is the holy water is still flowing, so drink, dance, and get sweaty. You’re not doing it right if you don’t walk off the dance floor looking like you just did P90x for three hours.

1.) El Rancho – The big finish:
The holy grail of drunchies is now at your disposal. The line may be long, but make the wait more bearable by having a series of conversations you won’t remember with people you haven’t seen since freshman year. If you’re still thirsty, polish your night off with a Modelo and figure out who’s paying for the Uber. Pro tip: throwing up enchiladas in your Uber is a prime way to tank your rider rating, so definitely avoid that.

There you go, ya hooligans. Go out and get into some shenanigans, but preferably ones that won’t get you cuffed and in the back of a Columbia PD cruiser.

 

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