It’s totally worth it, you really need that college degree for the real world. Well, here you are. Tens of thousands of dollars in debt, but here you are. And it was all for a little piece of paper with your name on it that you probably could have printed off for 5 cents at the Student Center. Well, no need to worry, because The Black Sheep have come up with a few ways to pay off all that debt you have on your hands now that you graduated from Mizzou.
5.) Dive in front of a Shuttle Bus:
We have all thought about, and probably even wish, it would happen. Getting that fat settlement would be a dream come true for any Mizzou student, regardless of any pain it brought upon you. And even if it kills you, at least you get out of all the stress, exams, and fucking loans you will be paying off for the rest of your life anyway.
4.) Pay with your leftover swipes:
There’s only two types of people at Mizzou: those who have like 50 swipes at year’s end, and those who already ran out halfway through the semester. If you fall into the former, then if you save up after four years you should have just enough money to pay off all the parking tickets you have received in your years in Como…
Know anyone at one of these schools?
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!
Penn State – $300 Referral Bounty
Indiana – $300 Bounty
NC State – $300 Bounty
3.) Sell a kidney:
You have two for a reason. Why not head on down to the University Hospital, let one of the untrained, sleep-deprived student doctors take it out of you, and then go and flip it on the black market? Of course, you’re probably going to end up selling it to someone who also tried finessing their way out of their own student debt.
2.) Learn how to hacky sack:
You think that man wants to be out there every day? He has been out there, looking for tips from people, trying to pay off his own student loans from Mizzou for the past 35 years. His big mistake is not having a hat for people to throw there change into for him, which is rule number one in street performing. Come on Hacky Sack guy, this isn’t amateur hour.
1.) Collect and sell free shit:
The ultimate hustle. This is definitely going to be the hardest way, but you get to keep all of your organs. You go to Speakers Circle every day, giving your signature for free shirts, collect free muffins or whatever, then wait until the next day to flip that shit for $5 a piece. It’s a free profit, and a great start to your very own business.
Look, college is overpriced, but you still showed up and took on all the loans anyway. You spent the past four years broke as hell, but still somehow ended up being able to go out every weekend and ordering Shakespeare’s every week. Regardless, even if you sell some of your body parts, Mizzou owns your ass for the foreseeable future.
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