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5 Things You Should Know About ‘The Black Hole’ in MU Student Center

Yes, people actually call it that. Deep within the intersections of Mizzou’s Student Center a beacon of clout draws in a crowd of African-American students called “The Black Hole.” Clout, for those who are unaware of the term, refers to power, money, influence and style. At least, that is how the Urban Dictionary defines it, and you know The Black Sheep clings to that shit. In case you didn’t know their best kept secrets, we’ve let you in on what goes on…

5.) People in it have clout-seeking behavior:
The people in search of clout within “Black Mizzou” can be found having specific attributes while sifting through the chairs and tables of The Black Hole, such as: hugging everyone they pass by with fake smiles; not working on homework; standing around Greeks they have no relation to; brushing people’s shoulders; and being incredibly loud in hopes of receiving attention.

4.) They’ll “miss” you:
In high school, there are always those areas in the school courtyard of mess hall that the cool kids would hang around — this isn’t different. Once you get sucked in, your shoulder becomes a pit stop for clout seekers, and your life is a brand-new TV sitcom they must tune into weekly. Once you escape, The Black Hole will deprive you of a season finale. On top of all this, you’ll get hit with a, “Hey, I have not seen you in a while,” or the occasional “Where you been? I haven’t seen you in ages,” from people you literally just got out of class with.

3.) Don’t eye down the wrong person:
The clout cloud of The Black Hole has a special saying: “Who are they?” followed by a snooty lip for anyone who steps foot in seat they don’t belong. The Student Center is so large it is simple to avoid hanging around or making eye contact with the wrong clique. If a glance between you and a Black Hole stranger is held for longer than three seconds, the best form of action would be to hold your ground. Keep that stare until beads of sweat appear on their brow and you are left victor. If not, then you will seem like a weakling and may suffer exile.

2.) Gossip is The Black Hole’s best friend:
Setting foot in the back right corner by the SC windows, you are bound to hear a lot of gossip and gabbing. Think of it as a neverending Thanksgiving conversation. The hole is popular for its clapbacks, not only because it invented them, but because they needed them to survive.  Therefore, Black Mizzou can be a cliquish toxic drama filled cesspool if you swim too deep (don’t forget to come up for fresh air).

1.) You have to dress to impress:
If caught being sucked into The Black Hole, you won’t be wearing the average college lazy chique look. No rags without brand or colorful style, unless you’re ready for sharp roasting hand that looks as if someone just did a karate chop. They gotta stand out from their white majority peers sporting their leggings, baggy shirts, and messy buns, which are apparently in every season. If you’re fit is not screaming “Giirrlll” or “Hey, look at me,” then you ain’t doing it right.

The prime hours The Black Hole sucks in its prey are during class time, which is 8 a.m. – 2 or 4 p.m. And if you are a student of color, try not to get sucked in…

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